Introvert Pain

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ElusiveT
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Jan 03, 2015 12:03 am

Introvert Pain

Postby ElusiveT » Sat Jan 03, 2015 12:20 am

Hey everyone,

I'm a recent Molecular and Cellular Biology student and graduate, and find myself on this quest to understand my temperament. I've recently purchased "Quiet" by Susan Cain and "The Introvert Advantage" by Marti Olsen Laney. I always knew I leaned more towards the introverted side of the spectrum, but my introversion seems to have really kicked in over the past 2 years making me question if this solitude has caused me, somehow, lose touch with reality on a minimal scale. For instance, when I first met my Girlfriend's parents, I purposely gave off a stereotypical extrovert impression, but as time goes on, I'm naturally slipping back into my temperament and hope they aren't taking offense to my lack of social interaction. The same goes for my family as well, I fear that sometimes they think I don't care for them because I like to be alone. When I happen to find myself in public...its feels so weird, like I'm not connected to humanity and don't identify the people around me of that of my own species. Just want to here some thoughts on this if you don't mind.

Thank you

Lazuli5000
Posts: 17
Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 12:53 am

Introvert Pain

Postby Lazuli5000 » Sat Jan 03, 2015 3:56 am

I feel what you mean. I think most introverts feel pressured to act extroverted in public, especially when first meeting people. Nobody wants to come off as cold or in a bad mood when you first meet someone... Personally my favorite types of people are "calm / go with the flow" types. It tests my patience to be around people who get worked up over ridiculous things. I don't think you've lost touch with reality, you're probably more aware of it than a lot of other people. But reality is very subjective too. Everyone lives in their own I guess. I think my family knows how I am, and my father is an introvert even more than I am, so quietness is not a weird thing. But yeah, some people's family's, the more obnoxious you are the more they'll like you. I care less and less these days if those people actually like me for that reason or not. Being an introvert can weed out a lot of people you're better off not knowing anyway. Not that they're bad people, but they're people you won't necessarily connect with.

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Daisy
Senior Member
Posts: 297
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 2:14 am
MBTI code: ISFP
Gender: Female

Introvert Pain

Postby Daisy » Sat Jan 03, 2015 4:33 am

I agree with what Lazuli5000, has said. And will add that:

We have to remain true to who we really are.

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Justwatching
Senior Member
Posts: 131
Joined: Mon Nov 10, 2014 10:53 pm
MBTI code: INTJ

Introvert Pain

Postby Justwatching » Sat Jan 03, 2015 1:08 pm

ElusiveT wrote: I fear that sometimes they think I don't care for them because I like to be alone.


Letting go of what people think is a fairly common sticking point for introverts. We're a thoughtful bunch who suffer with internal conflict greatly.

tongue35
Senior Member
Posts: 242
Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 12:24 am

Introvert Pain

Postby tongue35 » Sun Jan 04, 2015 11:38 pm

i always give off a more extroverted vibe when i meet people or start working with them but the more they get to know me, the more they realize i dont care much for daily chit chat or even just hanging out and socializing much..this usually ends with the relationship or friendship ending but what can do i do, force myself to be something im not..problem is lately i realize ive lost almost all my friends and the ones i do have i barely talk to due to my introversion..lol..i need to make new friends i connect with but i find that very difficult to do especially again, when they find out my reclusive nature..not many people want to be friends with people that only want to socialize or hang out once a month...lol..kind of a problem there..the only way ive honestly kept friends in the past is by putting on my extroverted mask tbh..

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Daisy
Senior Member
Posts: 297
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 2:14 am
MBTI code: ISFP
Gender: Female

Introvert Pain

Postby Daisy » Thu Jan 08, 2015 5:43 am

The Problem as I see it is that by pretending to be extroverted when first meeting someone is a mistake you're making. It's better to just be yourself.
Otherwise when you're true nature comes out, they don't understand what happened. It's possible to be friends with extraverted people, they will
accept you, but it is also tiring for you, there are lots of other introverts out there too, my husband is also one, we have friends, who don't expect to see us often that's ok, we also go out sometimes, no one minds that we're the first to leave. So try just to stay true to who you really are. :)

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OinkMcOink
Posts: 6
Joined: Tue Dec 08, 2015 7:16 am
Gender: Male

Re: Introvert Pain

Postby OinkMcOink » Thu Dec 10, 2015 8:28 am

I'm part of management where I work and I'm the only introvert in it.

We're having a Christmas party this weekend. Management will have a sort of dance performance that will equal a pay bonus for the management if everyone was to perform. HR asked if I was going to dance and being honest, I said no. Now everyone is angry at me for being a party pooper, I was threatened with suspension but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. They said it's easy and I felt the gulf on our personality widen. It came to a point that the CEO and COO talked to me today, saying that all I have to do is stand there for one second and disappear for the rest of the song and dance, "It's one small thing that we ask of you."

It's a small insignificant act for the rest of them, but it's a whole ocean to cross for me, I asked them if there's a way for me to get out of this and they said it's a suspension and one month's salary. I considered the suspension, really.. until the CEO and COO felt it and just asked me to attend dance practice for moral support.

Let me point out that I'm not shy. I'm in charge of a whole department. I have talked in front of a crowd, but it's MY crowd.. What they are expecting me to do at the party is just beyond what I can do.

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Daisy
Senior Member
Posts: 297
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 2:14 am
MBTI code: ISFP
Gender: Female

Re: Introvert Pain

Postby Daisy » Fri Dec 11, 2015 12:24 am

My feeling is if you can speak in front of a crowd (something I couldn't do) then it shouldn't be so hard to do as your CEO and COO ask for a few seconds.

Engage
Posts: 20
Joined: Mon May 30, 2016 9:35 pm

Re: Introvert Pain

Postby Engage » Mon Jun 13, 2016 10:27 pm

I sometimes appear much more outgoing and talkative in the first few encounters with people. It's just a natural response I have to certain social situations. Start with a bang. Eventually though I get more quiet as time passes.


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