Feeling the pain of being an Introvert

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Feeling the pain of being an Introvert

Postby Tye0774 » Tue Jun 28, 2016 1:42 am

I needed to find a place to vent a little. So I'm sorry. Being in introvert as well as having narcolepsy and chronic pain (you know those "invisible" syndromes that no one seems to understand), its hard for me to say anything about how I feel without someone wanting to either not believe me, putting their "two cents" in that they know how I feel, they've feel that way "everyday" too, or you see them just blankly listening and telling you to "just get your cry out" and then get strong and make the change happen. Just a quick snip it of my past - I don't think I was this bad of an introvert - it gets worse the older I get. I remember being this way a little bit when I a was kid, but I was the only girl on the block out of 7 boys, so I had to be tough, had to play rough, had to be loud. When I got into grade school I wasn't girly girly like the others girls of course I was a tomboy, but I had friends, I always was the one doing the calling even all the up through high school. And then one day I got tired of doing all the calling all the time, tired of being let down by my "friends" when we made plans, so I quit calling. My phone didn't ring much after that and the older I got, very seldom. I had a son right after high school and surprisingly, I became a nurse (this is all I ever wanted to do) because my older brother had heart problems his whole life. He passed away two days after a heart transplant at the age of 31, I was 30. Nine years into my nursing career and my son was 20 getting ready to go away to the military I had a vertebral artery dissection caused by a chiropractor which caused a minor stroke. I was off work for 3 months, in that time my dad and I had a blow out and haven't really talked since (that was in 11/2012). I tried going back to working the floor but between the chronic pain and headaches I was now having, plus work restrictions, my career took a turn. I feel like nothing has been the same since. I have trouble talking to anyone about how I feel. I don't feel like I'm the same person. I've lost what I always wanted. I tried again recently to work the floor again just this past year -- I feared going back because of the pain, but I tried anyway. So I applied for a position, got and in Nov 21 2015 I started working the floor again, by Jan 12, 2016 I was back out of work - can you believe this....I had another dissection, this time my Left carotid artery spontaneously dissected. I was out again. So now I am working behind a desk, driving an hour away, wanting to fall asleep everyday (because of my narcolepsy) and no one to talk to about it. My boyfriend, I guess I should say ex now, had a huge blow up, because he just doesn't get that I don't always say things that's on my mind like he does so abruptly and boldly - which talking that way to an introvert makes me feel like I am being "belittled, I am ignorant, unloved or unwanted." If I DO SAY how I feel he tells me that I am saying it in a "harsh" manner, not "feminine" like. I didn't know I had to sugar coat my feelings? Yet he don't have to? So the other night he ended I for the I don't now how many time and I "lost it" - a side of me that has not come out in years.. I was very abrasive and "pushy" and now all I can do is cry and turn in on myself and no one understands why I just "snapped". I don't mind the quiet of nature and people watching, but I have to have some kind of social interaction because noise of my own thoughts (not voices) drives me crazy. It's almost OCD, anxiety feeling.....I love learning thriving, growing and I just feel so stagnate now.

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Re: Feeling the pain of being an Introvert

Postby DC1346 » Wed Jul 27, 2016 3:21 am

I'm sorry about your ex but it sounds as though you understand that he was not the right person for you. After all, who other than a bully will belittle a person whom one supposedly cares about? This person sounds very controlling and although I can understand your wanting some degree of interaction, I hope you'll agree that you deserve better.

Have you thought about joining a volunteer service as a way of interacting with others while also helping your community?

Have you thought about joining a Church? Lots of Churches have social groups.

Have you thought about joining a site like eHarmony where you're matched with people who have similar personality profiles?

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