Stuck in an Introverted rut!

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Stuck in an Introverted rut!

Postby tongue35 » Tue May 13, 2014 12:50 am

heres the deal, im 35 years old and am very introverted, id say i like to spend 80-90% of my time alone...i like listening to podcasts, working out, walking my dogs alone in the country, different tv series..i dont have an outgoing bone in my entire body lol..i hate to sound conceited but like i said, i work out and stay in shape and consider myself to be above average in terms of looks..i have a good job but my main problem has always been, my introversion..socializing with people is completely draining and not interesting to me for the most part..i do not like and do not tolerate 'chit chat' very well..i learned through the years to put on a 'social mask' whereas i appear engaged and socially active as this gets results, people like me this way..problem is, it is very tiring and when people start to see the true introverted side of me, they shy away..i dont blame them as like i said, i like to be by myself for the most part and i usually decline invitations to go places with friends/family..

i have finally realized that most of my earlier friendships were initiated by others, they would keep engaging me and asking me to go places, this and that..i usually accepted back then as i thought it was the proper thing to do even though it drained me more often than i got enjoyment out of..over the years i grew apart from my friends and again, i largely blame introversion for this as i get more than my share of socializing out of my work..i come home drained just from the socializing itself and spend all night recouping..i often think to myself that on the weekend(when i have off) that i will have the social energy to get out there and meet people but that is very rare..i honestly spend weekends recouping from my work week...the older i get the worse this problem becomes..

i HAVE been able to get in touch with women through online sites but again, these relationships tend to go nowhere fast..i can start up relationships just fine but again, the phone-calls(which exhaust me) and the social part(going out often) just end up being too much so things end..keep in mind, my job drains me and its obvious i just cant quit and find another one..

this all puts me in a bad spot as when you are in your 30s, even extroverts have a difficult time finding and meeting new people and developing solid relationships, much less an introverted guy like, im not outgoing, i do take dogs to the dog park and talk to women there but nothing comes of it..again, its the yin/yang pull of introversion, i do want most of my time to myself but at the same time, how can i expect any relationships to result if i am this way?

im not sure what dvice people will have but if you have any, or are in a similar situation, just let me know!im actually clueless as to what to do next..

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Re: Stuck in an Introverted rut!

Postby nicoclone » Thu Feb 25, 2016 7:15 am

Well, if it is just my feeling or what but real introvert like to make their threads as long as possible (i never see an extrovert making a very long threads in forum LOL), maybe most introvert good at making story just like me xD. Maybe it is because introvert has more higher imagination than your average extrovert XD.However, there is also a longer post that never get an answer, it is like 1.5 or 2× your post length XD... maybe you should try to reduce its length since my eyes already hurt when i am halfway reading your threads xD... ROFTL...
Well, i can see why you are having difficulty of mantaining relationship. Firstly, you can't endure any chit chat. Why really??? Is it that you are gonna puke if you hear chit chat more than 2 hours XD??? Well, if i am guessing, it may be caused by the fact that you are an introvert just like me XD, but in my case, i am even too shy to look at people eyes directly especially girl ones ROFTL... but i still can endure chit chat, if it is just isnt funny and they are trying to make it sound like a joke, I am pretending that i am laughing but in my deepwst heart, what kind of joke are you extrovert people trying to throw at me?? XD... or if it is just unimportant, maybe you should try to change topic into the one you are interested.. dont tell me if you are not interested in anything XD..
well, so your early friendship is initiated by other people. Well again, in my case, there are some girls that pity with me, and try to talking to me but i'm too shy and i mess things up.. so uncool really x(... until i am about highschool grade 2, i manage to make some friends even if they are just weirdos XD.. one that is super otaku (ask google in case you dont know otaku) and one is hardcore game and lazy type too XD... seems like i am a failure at my school life XD...
Well, if you ask me if i have ever felt exhausted after going out or received phone call. This my answer. My family like to going out sometimes. Well, instead of exhausted, i feel only bored and hope can go home quickly.. since i am just a shut-in introvert XD.. for phone call, i rarely get phone call.. really!!.. because i use chatting as my media of communication instead of talking directly LOL...
i edit my reply again XD, since i am just realising that you are senior member and your name is just weird "tongue"??? Are you also an active member?? Since i like to stalk people post LOL.. especially active ones like Orientalist.... does it really have any connection between your name and your long threads ROFTL

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Re: Stuck in an Introverted rut!

Postby michaelgregoryii » Mon Feb 29, 2016 6:25 am

Hey mate,

I can really relate to you on this issue. You want to socialize more or at least enjoy the total aspect of it so you can make friends, find a lover, and enjoy the "extroverted lifestyle."

But you also enjoy your alone time. Probably even more than the happily ever after you drafted in your head.

I'm not going to ask you to change because you are what you are. You just have to learn to play the game a little differently.

Since you have dogs, visit a dog park where other dog owners are at and view your surroundings. Consider the same faces you continuously see there and speak to them. Don't strike for a friendship. Just talk to them for a few minutes and go about your way with your dog. Continue that habit for a few weeks and you'll find yourself growing attached to them.

Or maybe you want to give online dating another go. No worries. Go on Tinder, or whatever and find someone to talk to. See how much your chemistry matches someone else and transition the conversation to text. Don't bother talking on the phone because that drains that crap out of you. (I know because it did the same thing to me.) From there, aim to do a meetup with the girl. You'll have a better connection with someone if you remove the technology part out of the game.

I can go on, but I think you understand the gist of what I'm getting at. You just have to make life work for you rather the other way around. Sure you're an introvert but that doesn't mean you have to be alone. You just have to work around it.
Michael Gregory II
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Re: Stuck in an Introverted rut!

Postby oldwoman » Sun Mar 06, 2016 7:39 pm

I am an introverted woman. Maybe it's easier for female introverts but, I've never had a problem getting dates. I'm married now so I'm out of the game, but here's my two cents worth.

It sounds like you're dating extroverts. Perhaps you should be looking for a more introverted woman?

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