A Gaping Hole that is Life

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Breathe
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A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby Breathe » Fri Mar 18, 2016 5:54 am

Have you ever felt constantly empty?
Or am I just overthinking my own life?

At first I looked to videogames to fill this emptiness. I'd get excited to play a game but after I've finished a game, I'd still feel hollow inside realizing that it was all for nothing. I had only conquered a fictional world, the real world was unchanged.

Then I thought, work might be a good direction. I started getting some hobbies like cooking, learning, or painting. Afterwards, nothing again. I just post the painting somewhere and ignore it for years to come. Everything is temporary and I'd feel numb again.

So I started reading books. But the stories just left me as dissatisfied with my life as ever. Movies are the worst of all, they show you a perfect ending to a perfect life with perfect friendships. I don't watch movies or sitcoms as much anymore.
(Note I don't feel envious of people's perfect lives, I'm just bothered by this empty feeling inside me )

Then I went on social networks. I scroll mindlessly through facebook seeing people's group pictures on vacations and lengthy and sweet happy birthday messages.

There it was, the answer to the gaping hole inside of me , "travel" and "relationships" or so I thought. I started spending more time with my family and friends. I'd invite them to go to places, go hiking or visit a waterfalls or go to a beach. Everything was telling me that all that mattered was love in other words "people".

So there, I used up my time with people. I'd laugh at their awesome jokes and petty bickering, I'd share meals and yet nothing! The gaping hole was still there.

The places we went to were beautiful but I couldn't carry the beautiful scenery with me, travelling did not change my feelings. It had little effect on me.

The people. I felt no deep connection with them. They only like taking pictures of themselves and their food, they love food. Nothing.

I have everything I need, everything to work for and yet here I am empty as ever. No material thing or experience can quench the thirst.

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Orientalist
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby Orientalist » Sun Mar 20, 2016 3:57 pm

Sounds like you need some luurve, Breathe. It's normal for introverts to enjoy the company of only a select few people, or even just one, but it isn't so normal to not enjoy anyone's company. The last time I heard that, it was from someone who was clinically depressed. Maybe you just haven't found your soulmate yet.

You mention various hobbies and activities, but it sounds like you were forcing yourself to do them. Isn't there anything you really like doing? For me, travel is a passion. I've always tried to travel. It's something I knew I wanted to do for a long time.

I don't recall reading many books or watching movies where everyone has perfect relationships and perfect endings. Quite the opposite, in fact. I often watch movies that are pure escapism (tune out of reality for 2 hours) or are thought-provoking in some way - Inception and Interstellar are good examples. Painful relationships but happy enough endings I guess. My rule with reading is that I should learn something. So it is either non-fiction or historical fiction. Very few happy endings there, but a lot to learn. Maybe you just aren't reading the right books.

Generally, when people are suffering an existential angst they turn to religion, or at least spirituality. I think you mentioned you were a Catholic, but it evidently isn't helping you much. Maybe you should try another direction? I rejected the religion I was brought up with, and am a lot better for it. Then again, I had a fair amount of angst when I was your age. I didn't find a clear direction until I was much older.
If the truth hurts, you ain't livin' right.

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SandWshooter
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby SandWshooter » Mon Mar 21, 2016 5:41 pm

Shit sucks until you find your niche or whatever hobby/activity fulfills you, you just have to keep looking
Hi, mac!

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nicoclone
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby nicoclone » Thu Mar 24, 2016 11:34 pm

Maybe u need to find a purpose in life.. like... emm.. dream that u want to achieve.. like me become a novelist... i feel the same with u.. when i have no dream at all.. but that dream that i want to chase.. fill my gap in my heart... or maybe u need to find soulmate or someone for u to care for.. so ur life not seems empty..... there is someone to fill the gap... good luck... just find a purpose of why u were born... or what makes u happy.. like maybe helping people can make u feel satisfied etc...

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swift502
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby swift502 » Thu Apr 07, 2016 7:25 pm

I also sometimes listen to sad music and wonder how come that no one cares about their lives being absolutely pointless.
Though it's strange, I always thought everyone must have their hobbies. Whether it's taking pictures of bugs in India (my high-school electronics teacher), climbing (my uncle) or art (me).

If you had the option, find people who need help, who need you. It doesn't need to be children in Uganda, who've got literally nothing, not even access to clean water, but there's always someone. If you don't see a reason why should you devote your life to yourself, maybe devote it to others.

Or maybe, you need to find your animal self. Get rid of all the consciousness and intelligence that enables you to feel the emptiness. Maybe go outside bare foot, don't eat for several days, stay isolated in darkness and silence for several days. Pushing yourself to a physical limit, as meaningless as it may seem, might help you realise that you're just a human, and you don't need anything to live for, that you are alive and you're able to enjoy just that.

Just a couple of ideas. I don't know how "bad" are you feeling about this emptiness. If it's depression, I don't think anything can help. If it's "just" a feeling, you need to keep trying to find what makes you happy.

Edit:
Oh yeah, and don't do drugs, those things do make you feel empty.

Breathe
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby Breathe » Fri Apr 08, 2016 5:38 am

Wow guys, I didn't think anyone would actually read and even reply my lengthy post. Thank you for your advices, they actually made my day.

Yeah , SandsWshooter & nicoclone, I'll keep looking there's plenty of time after all.

Breathe
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby Breathe » Fri Apr 08, 2016 5:55 am

Orientalist wrote:Sounds like you need some luurve, Breathe. It's normal for introverts to enjoy the company of only a select few people, or even just one, but it isn't so normal to not enjoy anyone's company. The last time I heard that, it was from someone who was clinically depressed. Maybe you just haven't found your soulmate yet.

You mention various hobbies and activities, but it sounds like you were forcing yourself to do them. Isn't there anything you really like doing? For me, travel is a passion. I've always tried to travel. It's something I knew I wanted to do for a long time.

I don't recall reading many books or watching movies where everyone has perfect relationships and perfect endings. Quite the opposite, in fact. I often watch movies that are pure escapism (tune out of reality for 2 hours) or are thought-provoking in some way - Inception and Interstellar are good examples. Painful relationships but happy enough endings I guess. My rule with reading is that I should learn something. So it is either non-fiction or historical fiction. Very few happy endings there, but a lot to learn. Maybe you just aren't reading the right books.

Generally, when people are suffering an existential angst they turn to religion, or at least spirituality. I think you mentioned you were a Catholic, but it evidently isn't helping you much. Maybe you should try another direction? I rejected the religion I was brought up with, and am a lot better for it. Then again, I had a fair amount of angst when I was your age. I didn't find a clear direction until I was much older.



Orientalist, you're right. I realize I had been watching movies with really shallow plots. I'll try to apply that rule of yours on good reading material.

I had been having long bouts of depression for the past few years but maybe it's because I'm taking life much too seriously. One hobby I enjoy is just relaxing and thinking about life but I guess that's not doing me much good. I'm going to look for hobby that I'll love.

Oh and about the religion, I had neglected my spirituality but a few days ago I had come back to the church so things are going quite well now.

Regarding the whole soulmate thing, I'm not sure how that'll go for someone who doesn't like meeting new people.
But anyhow, really..thanks a lot for your advice.

Breathe
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby Breathe » Fri Apr 08, 2016 5:58 am

swift502 wrote:I also sometimes listen to sad music and wonder how come that no one cares about their lives being absolutely pointless.
Though it's strange, I always thought everyone must have their hobbies. Whether it's taking pictures of bugs in India (my high-school electronics teacher), climbing (my uncle) or art (me).

If you had the option, find people who need help, who need you. It doesn't need to be children in Uganda, who've got literally nothing, not even access to clean water, but there's always someone. If you don't see a reason why should you devote your life to yourself, maybe devote it to others.

Or maybe, you need to find your animal self. Get rid of all the consciousness and intelligence that enables you to feel the emptiness. Maybe go outside bare foot, don't eat for several days, stay isolated in darkness and silence for several days. Pushing yourself to a physical limit, as meaningless as it may seem, might help you realise that you're just a human, and you don't need anything to live for, that you are alive and you're able to enjoy just that.

Just a couple of ideas. I don't know how "bad" are you feeling about this emptiness. If it's depression, I don't think anything can help. If it's "just" a feeling, you need to keep trying to find what makes you happy.

Edit:
Oh yeah, and don't do drugs, those things do make you feel empty.



Haha. No, I won't do drugs promise.

I'd never considered living for someone else instead of myself. I thought life was about pursuing personal happiness. Thank you so much for suggesting that.

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SandWshooter
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby SandWshooter » Mon Apr 11, 2016 5:00 am

Don't get discouraged if it takes a while to find your groove, sometimes you get tunnel vision, get so focused on the negative you don't see the forest for the trees
Hi, mac!

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SilverFrog
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby SilverFrog » Sat Apr 23, 2016 3:10 am

I think it is interesting that you describe this as a 'gaping hole'. It sounds like that might be how you feel about yourself rather than your life. After lots of work on the topic I truly believe we are what we think and perhaps it is your way of thinking that is making you feel this way because there is actually no such thing as a feeling without thought.

Two books I found immensely helpful are 'Feeling Good: The new mood therapy' by Dr David D Burns and "The End of Self-Help' by Dr Gail Brenner. It takes time and effort and sometimes I felt like I was getting nowhere but really getting to know who we are is incredibly helpful and liberating.

Good luck.

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Daisy
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby Daisy » Sun Apr 24, 2016 11:44 pm

Welcome SilverFrog, I'm a big believer in our thinking affecting our reality.

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SilverFrog
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby SilverFrog » Mon Apr 25, 2016 12:39 am

Hi Daisy,

Thank-you, I'm glad I have found this space.

Like most people here I am hoping to find a way to make connections with intelligent, interesting people who have more to discuss than Kim Kardashian's latest handbag.

It can take some work to discover that who we are has been shaped over the course of our lifetime by the thinking of those closest to us - usually parents and siblings. It took me a long time to work out that actually my parents really didn't know everything (!) and that some of their beliefs aren't really what I believe, even though I always assumed I did - because they did. Walking the line between tolerance of others' points-of-view and finding out what we really think can be tricky work as many people don't cope well with us breaking away from what they believe.

Perhaps some of what Breathe's original post relates to is the empty feeling that can result from this internal conflict.

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Orientalist
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby Orientalist » Mon Apr 25, 2016 2:52 am

There is a Line (Asian equivalent of Whatsapp) sticker that illustrates Breathe's "gaping hole" feeling exactly...

Image
If the truth hurts, you ain't livin' right.

TheVzR
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby TheVzR » Tue Apr 26, 2016 5:48 am

Smiles in sympathy.... I know the feeling, at least in the way you describe it. I gave up on relationships, romantic and platonic. I got bored watching the latest movies, basically anything that was live action, including tv shows. I started watching anime only and playing video games, these satiated me awhile, though I'd find myself momentarily seeking connection on social apps, primal desire I suppose. But, after all was said and done, I still feel hollow...seems like I'm just going through the motions. I know there are people out there I could potentially connect with, but my procrastination hinders that progress. Quite often I've had chances, but I tend to run from them, literally. My goal as a teen and possibly earlier, if memory serves, was to avoid most people in general, I would literally shut everyone out. Now in my later stages of life I have successfully accomplished this, yet deep in me it's not enough. What really gets to me is that part of me that yearns for contact, it's like someone else occupying my head space, a nemesis to my personality.

ComfortZone
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Re: A Gaping Hole that is Life

Postby ComfortZone » Tue Oct 31, 2017 9:38 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOXMjCnKwb4

maybe these 4 minutes helps some of you. it allways change my thinking.


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