where to start... sorry for my english, its not my first language.
im happy to be in this group with hopefully a lot of people who understand my feelings.
Hai, im a 30 year old man, and the last 12 years were kind of hard for me. about 12 years ago i had a massive panic attack in front of a lot of people and since than i developed a social anxiety disorder. its a strange thing, it leaves you fully in peace when you are alone in your house, but the minute you walk out the door it leeves you shaky and exhausted till the time you back home (and for some days more).
i think the most painfull is that i have a constant feeling of stress in my body. i know that not going outside is also a bad thing but i love staying home! not only for my anxiety, no, also because im an introverted person. i love al the small things introverted people do and thing of. we all know how are favorite weekend looks like;)
but there is more... im also a HSP (high sensitive person). every stimulus near me is hitting me so hard it feels like the world is 1 loudy place and is trying to shake me to every part of the world. it leeves you hours with an annoying beep in your ears and its empting your extroverted fuel pretty dang fast!
im also for about 10 years a single man. yeah i date sometimes and speak to other girls, but everytime when things get to close my full body is teaming up against me and screaming to turn this thing of! it leaves me speechless every single time.
these 3 things combined are a strong team. a month ago i turned 30 and i want to make this year the year everything is gonna change. i want to be a introverted man with some inner peace inside of me. i want to fight this team so bad that it feels kind of good to work on it! i think the main change with earlier attempts is that this time i am feeling a lot of strenght and positive vibes in me. i know that i am now typing this in my own house, in my safe place but i still believe in it!
what also helps is that i found a great women, and we really understand eachother. i know, im not making it easy for myself!;) this is also a trigger for me that makes my enemy team alert but im not backing out of this one. maybe i want to much in to little time.. maybe this road is to hard for me and i will end up with some massive panic attacks... but i need to have my thoughts in the right place. i need to be more in the present and need to just focus on life itself because thats way more heavenly than whats spinning in my mind!
i just hope that there are some people here that realy understand my constant struggle with life itself. i know so many extraverted people and so less introverted people that allmost nobody understand me when i try to explain my behavior.
i wish everybody a good day and want to thank you for reading this.
Talk about anything general that doesn't fit into any other category.
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