Going alone on events/emptying my heart a bit

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teaspoon
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Going alone on events/emptying my heart a bit

Postby teaspoon » Sun Sep 25, 2016 6:26 pm

Today I visited my first comic con. I've really been looking forward to it. But instead of going home feeling happy, I just felt sad instead. I went alone as I don't really have any close geek-friends living nearby, which to start with didn't feel like much of an issue. The people who were selling and promoting their art were really friendly and I managed to talk to many of them about animation, cats, movies, accents, games etc. Then there were those who acted very cold as well.

There were hundreds of people there, crammed around the tables and somehow it felt like I just shrump more and more into something pathetic, small and invisible.

The moment the cup ran over was when I did a real stupid. It was at another animators booth, I overheard two customers and the animators talking about being invisible as bisexual and polyamorous by dating only one person. I wanted to join them as I'm both polyamorous and bisexual but never really get to talk about it nowadays because my partner is neither(so I now live as hetero and mono, which is totally okay because I love him so very much). So out of my mouth jumps first some nice polite chat and then the frog "I'm polyamorous and bisexual but my partner is neither which is a bit sad". I said it in a jokey tone but realized the moment I said it that it didn't come out at all the way I planned it.. (english isn't my first language either) after that frog they all ignored me like air even when I said farewell. I felt so ashamed. I'm quite a sensitive person, to what other people say but even more to what stupid things I say.

This isn't the first time I head out on geeky adventures all alone and not the first time I head home feeling sad and like I've screwed up. Somehow those events end up being the moments I feel the most alone.
Everyone says that " you can get some friends there, just say hi to some people" but it doesn't really work that way. Friendships are not the same as aqquintances you meet once a comic con/larp/party/lan.

Anyway what I wanted to get to with this rant(sorry it turned out quite long) is to ask if there's anyone out there who can relate to the phenomenom of going alone to big events and heading home wondering if you can still be exited for the next time the event goes on or if it will be ruined in your head for good?
I always tell myself "I'll go back next year and turn it into a good experience instead", but being alone it turns into the same melancolic rollercoaster as always.

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SandWshooter
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Re: Going alone on events/emptying my heart a bit

Postby SandWshooter » Mon Sep 26, 2016 6:27 pm

Go with your partner?
Hi, mac!

teaspoon
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Re: Going alone on events/emptying my heart a bit

Postby teaspoon » Mon Sep 26, 2016 9:56 pm

He's in the merchant navy :(

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Re: Going alone on events/emptying my heart a bit

Postby Orientalist » Tue Oct 04, 2016 4:04 am

Before I met my current gf I used to go to events (Comic Con, Cosplay, etc) on my own. If you take a camera and photograph everything, it doesn't seem so lonely.
If the truth hurts, you ain't livin' right.


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