Bad experience/ perception from others in the past?

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hani85
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Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2016 1:19 am

Bad experience/ perception from others in the past?

Postby hani85 » Fri Jun 10, 2016 1:56 am

Hi all. I am new, and sorry for any grammar mistakes I would probably make as English is not my primary language. I have a question (and situation) here (well actually I have lots of things in mind, but lets take one at a time).

I am definitely an introvert. I love spending some time alone, getting to know people scares me, although I do enjoy casual chat with people I love and close with. Being an introvert never even bothered me that much. UNTIL I went into high school.

I was treated badly. Because I was so quiet, people tend to leave me behind when they find someone more interesting to talk with. Well you know, when I was walking with a friend, while walking we bumped into some other friend, they would leave me behind. It happened many times. I always felt invisible, unneeded, humiliated, mad, embarrassed. It's like a cruel torture to me.

Now I am 31. All those overwhelming feelings still here. I still feel terrified. Scared. Although I have grown so much from last time, I still have lots of disturbing thoughts when I wanna get to know somebody new. I fear that people don't laugh at my jokes, I fear that they have some kinda weird thought about me, I fear they would leave me behind, disregard me, fear that I can't handle situation with my boss, my colleague, well- thousand of things basically. :p

If not because of all those loans (car, education) I would prefer not to work at all, or probably do business of my own (well, anyway I can't, yet, since I am lacking experience, and I don't really know what business to do, anyway).

And, you might not believe me, but right now I am doing sales. The reasons WHY I do sales is because, I want to be stronger, I want to interact more with people to gain more confidence, I want to be proud of myself, I really wanna change because all this time I was always sad, upset, am not happy with my life and how others treated me, I want to gain more acknowledgement and respect from other people. I really want that one day, I could say to myself and pat my head, "Dear me, u made it. I am so proud of you, ME."

Now, have anyone ever had any bad experience before? Probably you can share here, what solutions you came out with, have you been successful overcome your issues and probably can share your thoughts too regarding my situation. Many thanks. (:

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Daisy
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Re: Bad experience/ perception from others in the past?

Postby Daisy » Fri Jun 10, 2016 10:28 pm

Welcome hani85, I was very shy and quiet at school, I hated it and couldn't wait to leave.

I've had lots of different jobs, the ones that helped me the most were being a waitress, now called servers,
I made a lot of tips which gave me confidence. Don't let negative experiences you had when young affect you today,
You're doing well in wanting to be more open by working in Sales, I hope you're successful at it. :)

hani85
Posts: 2
Joined: Fri Jun 10, 2016 1:19 am

Re: Bad experience/ perception from others in the past?

Postby hani85 » Wed Jun 15, 2016 6:26 am

Daisy wrote:Welcome hani85, I was very shy and quiet at school, I hated it and couldn't wait to leave.

I've had lots of different jobs, the ones that helped me the most were being a waitress, now called servers,
I made a lot of tips which gave me confidence. Don't let negative experiences you had when young affect you today,
You're doing well in wanting to be more open by working in Sales, I hope you're successful at it. :)


Thank you Daisy. Your words gave me warmth, well perhaps you are ISFP like me (but the result of the test sometimes varies, I used to get INTP before :P ). I hope here in Malaysia we do have waiter/ waitress jobs that pays good tips. We don't have that culture anyway. I think the most suitable job that let me be more open is sales. I can't think of anything else (:

Silverneurotic
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Joined: Fri Jun 17, 2016 9:25 pm

Re: Bad experience/ perception from others in the past?

Postby Silverneurotic » Fri Jun 17, 2016 10:06 pm

I had a similar experience in high school with a girl I considered my best friend. You are not alone.

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Orientalist
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Re: Bad experience/ perception from others in the past?

Postby Orientalist » Sun Jun 19, 2016 3:43 am

I was treated badly. Because I was so quiet, people tend to leave me behind when they find someone more interesting to talk with. Well you know, when I was walking with a friend, while walking we bumped into some other friend, they would leave me behind. It happened many times. I always felt invisible, unneeded, humiliated, mad, embarrassed. It's like a cruel torture to me.


I think all introverts have this experience. The important thing is how you deal with it. You have to remember that it is the other people who are being rude and inconsiderate, not you.

I want to be stronger, I want to interact more with people to gain more confidence, I want to be proud of myself, I really wanna change because all this time I was always sad, upset, am not happy with my life and how others treated me, I want to gain more acknowledgement and respect from other people.


If working in Sales really helps boost your confidence, go for it. But be aware that you aren't going to become an extrovert and you don't want to get hung up on trying to be something you are not. Don't be surprised if people always take no notice of you when extroverts are around. That seems to be the reality for introverts, all through life. Better to concentrate on letting go of the negative feelings you have when this happens. What I mean is don't waste time trying to get people to "respect" you, but work on boosting your self-esteem so that it doesn't bother you when they don't.
If the truth hurts, you ain't livin' right.

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Xsolrac
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Re: Bad experience/ perception from others in the past?

Postby Xsolrac » Thu Jul 07, 2016 3:28 am

I used to be told quite often by people that they tought that I looked like an assh*ole (maybe not that exact word but translating swear words from spanish to english is hard, lol) mainly becasue I am always serious and quite (which I am). When I am not with a friend, while I am not unrespectful I am direct and to the point of the conversation which sometimes come off as being rude. Adding to this the fact that I dont really like to meet new people or being proactive in socializing with people I dont already know it is very hard for me as well to develop new lasting relationships. What I have learned that helps me the most to interact with others is just that plasting a smile up my face and just feigning interest in the life of the other person helps to create and stablish interaction. It sounds hypocrite, but I you actually are interested in developing any kind of relationship it helps to mantain conversation and get to know each other before having to rely on your own socializing skills with people. With time it becomes easier to just talk with about anybody. Having a smile on your face, even if just a small weak one, makes you look as aproachable.

Hope this helps:)

P.S I guess it is worth mentioning that I used to be an ultra shy, kind off antisocial individual. I could not talk to girls without stuttering and I had a really hard time meeting people. Just invest time in just getting the other person to do the talking and your interacting skills will increase.
Why does it has to be that way?

chaitra
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Re: Bad experience/ perception from others in the past?

Postby chaitra » Mon Oct 03, 2016 12:00 pm

I cant smile at people for no reason at work or any place.Having to keep this expectation i struggle.
Am a person with small group of friends who meet once in a while..

It hurts when people judge me wrong just because i don t talk much.....


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