Birthdays at work

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gloomspirit
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 1:04 am
Gender: Female

Birthdays at work

Postby gloomspirit » Thu Apr 20, 2017 5:00 am

So I work at a software outsourcing company that has a lot of internal teams. The first team I was it was the team I had training with. Since I was in training I practically accepted to go to every gathering there was (with luck there weren't too many) and one of them was that they planned a gathering in the cafeteria for my birthday. I practically forced myself to go and be with them smiling and all that. I even remember one of the girls asked me "Why are you so quiet?".
Anyhow, a year passed and I was changed to another team. So I passed from a team with 15 people to another one with 30+ people...great, just great. It's been two-three months I guess, and in all this time there's been more gatherings in this team than in the whole year of my first team. From all of the gatherings I've gone to two of them so far cause well...since I'm no longer in training I don't see the need to go to the birthday meetings. It's not that I dislike my teammates, I just don't feel like going, not to mention that that time in the cafeteria doesn't count as work hours so that means staying more time at work than I expected.

So today it was the birthday of a team member and it was already a given that I didn't plan to assist. We communicate via skype so we needed to "confirm" whether we're going or not. This time there was more people that were not going so the lead developer made a comment "You know it's not obligatory to attend to the birthday party but even if you go for a little but it's something well seen".
That comment...it bothered me a little. What about the people that don't like to celebrate their birthday at work? In the two times I went to the birthay parties it's not like everyone talks with everyone, there's always small groups since there's so many people and I've also noticed other quiet people that really doesn't talk almost at all and I'm there thinking "how can they survive this situation everytime?" So yeah...in the end the lead developer's comment made little to no sense to me. But wait there's a reason I'm even more anxious these couple of weeks cause well...next week it's my birthday, oh the dreaded day. I've already requested vacation for next Thursday and Friday, but...but there's still a high probability they decide to do something even after my birthday has passed and that scares me. "Just don't ok...all of you are cool guys but don't bother, I just want a quiet week" it's what I would like to say to them.

So yeah that's what's been keeping wake up these days/nights lol I've thinking maybe to talk with the manager and say something like "Hey, I don't know if you know (of course you know) but next week it's my birthday and I know the team likes to go to the cafeteria and that stuff and as much as I would appreciate if they decided to do something for my birthday I don't want any of that" (I think I need to make more subtle the last part lol).
In the end I'm not sure what would be the best thing to do, any advices?

EvilZombie
Posts: 3
Joined: Sat Aug 12, 2017 7:57 am

Re: Birthdays at work

Postby EvilZombie » Sat Aug 12, 2017 8:27 am

It's so difficult isn't it? Being regarded as miserable or stuck up just because you find socialising exhausting. Could you suggest an alternative that is more on your own terms? A quiet meal at a restaurant you enjoy or maybe a group outing to the cinema? Something that's not so overwhelming?


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