Experiences Through Work

Talk about things related to careers or working.
RiderJay
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Experiences Through Work

Postby RiderJay » Thu Apr 09, 2015 1:07 pm

Hello all,

I am new to the forum and thought this thread was most appropriate for discussing some of what I've been thinking and feeling lately. Getting some insight from other introverts will be new for me, since I've never specifically sought it out before.

I've always been a quiet person and prefer spending time alone. It's been that way for as long as I can remember. When I was still at home and old enough to be left alone, I loved it when the rest of the family would go somewhere and I would have a couple of hours to myself. I am still that way and crave that a great deal of the time.

It's only in the past few years that I've improved in terms of accepting who I am, but I have made a career choice that is unsuitable for me and very stressful. However, I feel it's too late to turn back. I am in my 40s now and work in sales at a financial institution. I have done this for close to 20 years, so you would think it would get easier but it doesn't seem to. The job is all about people contact and is exhausting for me. Fortunately I don't have too many internal meetings that I am expected to speak up in but still enough to cause some stress. I am married and have three young children to support, so moving to a different job is not easy because I cannot afford to take a pay cut and don't want to sacrifice time with my family to train for another career while working full time.

I used to think that I wasn't good with other people and would beat myself up over that. Now I realize that's not really true. My job is all about getting to know people and often involves meeting strangers and discussing their financial situation. I consistently rate highly with my clients and in performance reviews, so I now realize that it's about my preferences as opposed to what I am good at or not good at. I don't enjoy what I do. It robs me of energy and leaves me unfulfilled. I have finally recently gotten to the point where I make the job work more for me rather than sacrificing so much - I have become very protective of my time and try not to put in too much overtime or give in to too many client demands. I much prefer doing things on my own and spending time alone than working in teams or being with others, which is often what is expected in business so makes it a challenge. On personality tests, I consistently score almost 100% on the introverted side (I've done Myers-Briggs a few times over the years and the lowest score I ever remember on the Introversion/Extroversion scale was 93% toward Introversion). The days I enjoy most at work are the days when I have the fewest number of appointments so that I have time to work by myself and to really concentrate on what I am doing.

I worry too much about what others at work think. I am not involved much at all in the social aspects of work and have no desire to be except to please or meet the expectations of others. Sometimes I get comments like "good morning" late in the day because I haven't seen or spoken to someone that day because I've been busy at work in my office. I don't think these comments are meant to make me feel bad but they do. I have had co-workers tell me I'm the quietest person they've ever worked with or refer clients they believe to be "timid" to me because it will be a good match. As an introvert, I have never told anyone that they are extremely loud or referred someone to them because they are boisterous as I think that would be offensive. Oh well.

Not sure where I'm going with all of this other than seeking out others who have similar introverted preferences for their point of view and input. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading and any sharing will be greatly appreciated.

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Daisy
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby Daisy » Fri Apr 10, 2015 4:58 am

Welcome RiderJay,

I totally understand your feelings. You're handling your job quite well.

jepeace
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby jepeace » Sat Apr 11, 2015 2:03 am

Hi RiderJay,

I completely understand what you are experiencing. I worry a lot about what my co-workers think about me because I am so quiet. Sometimes I can hear them whispering behind me, and I'm always positive they are talking about me and how I never make any effort to come out of my office and socialize. I once overheard someone say that I don't do a very good job of "hanging out" at work. I just like to do my job and mind my own business, and I don't see what is so wrong with that. What makes it worse is that the people who talk about me are very much a clique, and they chit-chat about very superficial things of which I have no interest in talking about. I also do not feel very comfortable around them, which makes it even harder to interact with them in a natural way. A lot of them just like to stand around and talk about themselves or other people, and if I don't do the same I'm judged and talked about.

I try my best to smile and be sincere when I do actually interact with them, but I don't think it's enough. They will always see me as being "anti-social." It seems as though it doesn't matter if you are good at your job or not, if you are not extremely outgoing and talk all day, you are not liked or respected. I try not to let it bother me, but most of the time it is all I think about.

I hope this helps you and others know that you are not alone in what you are feeling.

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Daisy
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby Daisy » Sun Apr 12, 2015 4:33 am

Welcome jepeace....

It's sad when introverts have to work in a social environment.

RiderJay
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby RiderJay » Mon Apr 13, 2015 3:47 pm

jepeace wrote:Hi RiderJay,

I completely understand what you are experiencing. I worry a lot about what my co-workers think about me because I am so quiet. Sometimes I can hear them whispering behind me, and I'm always positive they are talking about me and how I never make any effort to come out of my office and socialize. I once overheard someone say that I don't do a very good job of "hanging out" at work. I just like to do my job and mind my own business, and I don't see what is so wrong with that. What makes it worse is that the people who talk about me are very much a clique, and they chit-chat about very superficial things of which I have no interest in talking about. I also do not feel very comfortable around them, which makes it even harder to interact with them in a natural way. A lot of them just like to stand around and talk about themselves or other people, and if I don't do the same I'm judged and talked about.

I try my best to smile and be sincere when I do actually interact with them, but I don't think it's enough. They will always see me as being "anti-social." It seems as though it doesn't matter if you are good at your job or not, if you are not extremely outgoing and talk all day, you are not liked or respected. I try not to let it bother me, but most of the time it is all I think about.

I hope this helps you and others know that you are not alone in what you are feeling.


Hi jepeace,

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

I think that we are experiencing a lot of the same feelings. It sounds like you are beating yourself up about it a bit, which is something I used to do a lot but I think I've become more accepting of myself. I sometimes ask myself "what would I tell a friend experiencing these feelings?" and try to apply that to myself.

In reviewing some of the experiences you are having, I would suggest that if you have folks in the office standing around talking about other people that they are the ones that need to adjust their behavior and not you. You also might be surprised that you are likely more respected than you might think.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing, and you are very likely doing very well with what is actually important at work. It's just very difficult when just about everything seems geared for extroverts and introversion doesn't seem to be understood or worse is misunderstood.

jepeace
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby jepeace » Tue Apr 14, 2015 1:28 am

Hi jepeace,

Thank you for your thoughtful response.

I think that we are experiencing a lot of the same feelings. It sounds like you are beating yourself up about it a bit, which is something I used to do a lot but I think I've become more accepting of myself. I sometimes ask myself "what would I tell a friend experiencing these feelings?" and try to apply that to myself.

In reviewing some of the experiences you are having, I would suggest that if you have folks in the office standing around talking about other people that they are the ones that need to adjust their behavior and not you. You also might be surprised that you are likely more respected than you might think.

There is nothing wrong with what you are doing, and you are very likely doing very well with what is actually important at work. It's just very difficult when just about everything seems geared for extroverts and introversion doesn't seem to be understood or worse is misunderstood.


Hi RiderJay,

Thank you for responding. What you said about my co-workers being the ones who need to change their behavior has helped me look at the situation differently. It sounds like you are really good at what you do, even though it can be draining. I understand how that is. After being around people for so long I feel mentally drained. It helps to know that someone is experiencing some of the same things that I am. Thank you for your help. :)

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Annie
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby Annie » Tue Apr 14, 2015 10:25 am

What is work?

:oops:
I don't like seagulls...

Scottish INFJ

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Justwatching
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby Justwatching » Tue Apr 14, 2015 8:57 pm

Annie wrote:What is work?


An extrovert club

BlackDragon
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby BlackDragon » Sat May 09, 2015 1:28 pm

I'm having similar issues at my job. The people I work with and around can be pretty unfriendly and rude. Yesterday I was getting ready to punch out. It takes a second to find your card among everyone else's on the wall, and while I was looking for mine (literally took two seconds) the girl behind me in line snatched her card and reached around me to clock herself out before I could. Really? A kindergartener knows how a frickin' line works.

Not to mention that the second shift QC person is coming in early again so she can leave early (I ranted about this previously on this forum). She literally does nothing while I'm still there. I finally figured out that she likes to come in early because she has the hots for a guy that works first shift (except she's been dating and living with someone so she said "no" when the guy asked her out :? So I guess her game plan is to come in early and hang out with him forever and do no work :roll: ). She's working half of first shift but she gets paid $.75 an hour more than me because she's second shift! Our supervisor does nothing about this - he lets the entire department run itself until it devolves into it's like we're all in Jr. High again. Most of the guys in the department turn into apes as soon as the 2nd shift qc pain shows up because they're all trying to get into her pants. Scuttlebutt has it that our supervisor lets her do whatever she wants because HE'S trying to get into her pants. The other day I was trying to WORK while 2nd shift's testosterone satellites were throwing shit aound my head to get her attention.

Then they all complain that I'm too quiet and don't talk a lot! You know what? I dont exactly feel like talking to a pack of rude, immature idiots. Oh, but it'll all come down on my ass come review time - I'm just not being extroverted enough! :evil:

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Annie
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby Annie » Sun May 10, 2015 1:06 am

Tell them to go f@#k themselves!
I don't like seagulls...

Scottish INFJ

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nicoclone
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Re: Experiences Through Work

Postby nicoclone » Fri Feb 26, 2016 9:45 am

Well, introvert people is just different from extroverts when doing their job.
10 fact related to introvert's job
1. introverts tend to be more serious (maybe i should change it to passionate instead) when handling their job and client
2. introvert don't waste time by chit chating with their co worker
3. introvert is more careful at doing job like handling dangerous chemical substance
4. introvert is always a good listener so you job may not deviant too much from your introvert personality
5. introvert sometimes do unique job like novelist since they tend to have high imagination
6. introvert often do job that is related to dead thing (machine) or technology (computer)
7. introverts sometimes have a good taste in music so maybe they can become a song writer or may become singer (even though i doubt about it since it is draining job for introvert).. i sometimes make song from just my imagination and emotion but i can't even play guitar or too lazy to learn about reading sheet music or music theory LOL... maybe there is someone here who is good with music and want to tell me how to make a good song...
8. introverts tend to like working alone than cooperate in a group... (i'm too shy to look at people eyes directly xD but i don't quite understand why i am a teacher right now.. maybe it is because introvert are good at handling kid ROFTL)
9. introvert tend to stay long in their job if it suits with their hobby and interest since they are very passionate creature ROFTL
10. maybe the last, introvert people always have their own way of becoming success in carreer and work


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