What do you look for in a friendship?

For discussions regarding relationships, including friends and family.
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Sunny49
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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Sunny49 » Wed Apr 24, 2013 4:47 pm

So, what do you look for in a friendship? What is important to you?

NTs supposedly look for mind mates, NFs soul mates, SPs playmates and I´m not sure what SJs look for....(sorry, lol)

Anyway, it is true for me. I´d like my friend to be fun and is willing to go on "adventures" with me and try out different (new) things :D I don´t like to just sit on a coffee and gossip (like most girls do), that bores me to no end. I´d like us to have similar interests, worldview and values/opinions. I also appreciate if I can talk to my friends, discuss things that interest me, like psychology, philosophy, art, etc. I´d like us to be equal, I don´t like competetive people who want to be superior or who get jealous or something. That can really ruin the friendship. I also don´t like dominance in a friendship, cause I think we both are independent human beings. I don´t really like to be too attached to a friend, I don´t need them to lead me, nor I like leading them. We´re just as two partners who share some time together. What is very important to me is respect. We don´t need to agree about everything, but I don´t like when someone is putting me down (I guess noone likes that), cause that makes me wonder why are they evan friends with me (i.e. why are they socializing with someone who they don´t respect and value). I´d like my friend to be trustworthy, so that if I tell them something personal they won´t spread it around or judge me for it. I´d like them to love me and accept me for who I am and to make me feel like I´m adding some value in their life. So, yeah, I guess that´s it :D

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby scott85 » Wed Apr 24, 2013 5:15 pm

people with similar interests that are trustworthy and for the most part, smart
People that don't understand you can't help you

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Kaspi
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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Kaspi » Wed Apr 24, 2013 5:47 pm

Sunny49 wrote:NTs supposedly look for mind mates


That´s true in my case. How the hell did you know? :D

I think I need a friend to have similar sense of humour as I do, and not to take me seriously all the time. It´s quite hard to find someone like that, but when I do, it´s amazing. I find it very hard to communicate with people who can be insulted easily, because I keep insulting them all the time without even realizing it. It also helps if the person is a rebel a little, because most of the people from around me spend their time building a career and taking everything seriously, and I don´t understand that much.

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Sunny49
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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Sunny49 » Wed Apr 24, 2013 6:42 pm

Kaspi wrote:
That´s true in my case. How the hell did you know? :D



I´m an MBTI expert, buahahaha :P

And, I like what you said about rebels....yeah, people can be so boring :D

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby IWHMA » Wed Apr 24, 2013 7:00 pm

Not entirely sure what a soulmate would be. To me, a soulmate would be a mindmate, despite being NF.

My cousin and I have similar minds, which is why I am really close to him. Same with Solitude and SpoonGirl, although they have the opposite cognitive functions as I do.

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Molly » Sun Apr 28, 2013 8:15 am

Someone who is on my wavelength, and has similar interests and values as me. My humour is a little wacky sometimes, but I find most things amusing - especially real life, rather than *jokes*.
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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Kurtis » Sun Apr 28, 2013 2:55 pm

Molly wrote:Someone who is on my wavelength, and has similar interests and values as me. My humour is a little wacky sometimes, but I find most things amusing - especially real life, rather than *jokes*.

Sometimes I wish I could explain my humour as it's a little unorthodox, but this would about sum it up really. I don't find jokes, petty bantering or sheer stupidity as amusing for the most part, but I do laugh and find humour in little things in 'real life.'

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Sunny49
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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Sunny49 » Mon Apr 29, 2013 9:36 am

I heard a lot of extroverts saying that they have different friends for different purposes (for the cinema, for a club, for meaningful discussion, etc)...I wonder what do yout think about it? Do you have friends for different "purposes"? I used to have friends like that, but I have to say it kind of annoys me. What do you think?

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Pathfinder » Sat Nov 30, 2013 3:49 am

Sunny49 wrote:I heard a lot of extroverts saying that they have different friends for different purposes (for the cinema, for a club, for meaningful discussion, etc)...I wonder what do yout think about it? Do you have friends for different "purposes"? I used to have friends like that, but I have to say it kind of annoys me. What do you think?


Hi Sunny. Yes I do have different friends for different purposes. I find that most people only share some of my interests so that would necessitate the need for more friend to cover all the things I like to do.

One of my friends seemed to almost be suggesting to me that it wasn't right for me to do that. When I asked him why he couldn't come up with an answer. About a year or so later he told me that he had learned from me that it was okay to have friends for different purposes.

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby soupdragon » Sat Jan 25, 2014 9:07 pm

sensitivty, intelligence, awareness, listening skills, possibly introverted character, warm character

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby SandWshooter » Mon Jan 27, 2014 5:11 am

Similar interests/values, not an asshole, trustworthy
Hi, mac!

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Lorn
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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Lorn » Tue Apr 01, 2014 10:23 pm

By that definition, I would be NT. The key trait I look for in a friendship is that they're not easily offended and happy to move beyond "safe" topics like pets or family. It limits my choices a little, but the friendships I do wind up with are much more stimulating and more relaxed because we don't have to worry so much about filtering ourselves.

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Kurtis » Tue Apr 01, 2014 11:28 pm

Lorn wrote:By that definition, I would be NT. The key trait I look for in a friendship is that they're not easily offended and happy to move beyond "safe" topics like pets or family. It limits my choices a little, but the friendships I do wind up with are much more stimulating and more relaxed because we don't have to worry so much about filtering ourselves.

'Safe' topics usually wind me up somewhat given their simplicity and inability to really challenge my thought-processes. I love learning new things and idling around safe-topics is usually a turn-off and my mind literally goes numb with boredom; and that's coming from an NF. I usually only get defensive if you keep trampling on my value system and I've asked you to stop.

I can usually deal with 'safe-topics,' but I stick them in the same category as 'small-talk' in that I can only put up with it for a small portion of time. Too much and I need to withdraw. Then again it depends on how you define 'safe-topics,' herein assuming you mean discussions where everyone can agree or relate to. I can quite easily talk about pets (or particularly cats) because I'm in a household full of them and I've had them since I was a child, but I would quickly get bored by someone who's ecstatic about taking his dog the to the park... :idunno:

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Lorn » Tue Apr 01, 2014 11:57 pm

Kurtis wrote:'Safe' topics usually wind me up somewhat given their simplicity and inability to really challenge my thought-processes. I love learning new things and idling around safe-topics is usually a turn-off and my mind literally goes numb with boredom; and that's coming from an NF. I usually only get defensive if you keep trampling on my value system and I've asked you to stop.

I can usually deal with 'safe-topics,' but I stick them in the same category as 'small-talk' in that I can only put up with it for a small portion of time. Too much and I need to withdraw. Then again it depends on how you define 'safe-topics,' herein assuming you mean discussions where everyone can agree or relate to. I can quite easily talk about pets (or particularly cats) because I'm in a household full of them and I've had them since I was a child, but I would quickly get bored by someone who's ecstatic about taking his dog the to the park... :idunno:

It's somewhat open to interpretation, but I would say any topic that's meant to not only be something that everyone can contribute to but one that's also meant to be simple and totally inoffensive is a "safe" topic.

This is a style of conversation that my workplace recommends to everyone on their first day, because we have people from various cultures stopping in who need to feel comfortable talking to us. My manager is a natural and can always get someone talking about what kind of foods they cook at home or what their family eats around ethnic holidays, but it's meant to be friendly, relaxing surface chatter and not a means of making a strong intellectual or emotional connection.

Cats could go either way. There are a lot of subtopics that people can be emotional or opinionated about like exotic breeds, cat breeders, declawing, or over-anthropomorphizing pets, and a lot of more difficult ones revolving around cat behavior, cat health, and how humans and cats relate. Humorous stories, what types of cats someone has, how long they've had their cats, and pictures can be fun for a little bit, but are something I'd tire of quickly with someone I'm not really invested in learning about.

Sticking to "safe" conversation involves jumping from one surface topic to another or bouncing back when someone tries to go more in-depth.

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Kurtis » Wed Apr 02, 2014 8:41 am

Lorn wrote:My manager is a natural and can always get someone talking about what kind of foods they cook at home or what their family eats around ethnic holidays, but it's meant to be friendly, relaxing surface chatter and not a means of making a strong intellectual or emotional connection.

I can only put up with 'friendly' banter like that for a fairly short amount of time as well. If I had business to attend to, I would simply much rather just get straight to the point, but I suppose that's just me. If I didn't have business to attend to, I would much rather not be there at all (unless I need to be for some other reason).

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby fufufu » Thu Jul 31, 2014 4:34 am

I look for the other.

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Andy
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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Andy » Mon Aug 11, 2014 12:32 am

I would open my heart to a friend who is genuine and honest.

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Sylan » Tue Aug 12, 2014 1:10 am

Someone who's not a total douche and isn't dumb. I can get along with anyone, some people I get closer to and some others I just occasionally greet. But what I mostly look for in friendships is someone who is genuinely interested in the same things I am interested in, and possibly someone who's like me and doesn't mind me dozing off once in a while to recharge my batteries.

I'm a TP and you nailed it, I look for mind mates.

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby Justice » Sun Sep 14, 2014 3:43 pm

I need humor in a friendship.

:yes:

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What do you look for in a friendship?

Postby tongue35 » Sat Sep 27, 2014 3:16 pm

i look for someone that listens to what i have to say and doesnt just want to talk about themselves and respects my boundaries..also, someone who shares my interests which most people dont tend to do..lol..


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