Looking for advice on a recent (within last week) breakup with my introvert bf. we’d been together six months - spent 95% of our free time together. We are both in our 40s with children from previous relationships so we worked around our schedule. I wouldn’t consider myself to be full blown introvert, but I do have introvert tendencies.
I took his lead. I loved spending time with him - and was never offended or upset when he wanted to do his own thing for the afternoon or not come over on one of our ‘free’ nights - disappointed but not upset or offended. We’d introduced each other to our kids over Xmas holidays and only in January did he meet my family. Let me say that while he had told me when we first met that he was independent, enjoyed his own time, etc, I never knew he was an introvert (probably because I’d never really known/been with one and didn’t fully understand what that meant). All of a sudden he got a bit quiet. We had a conversation about how the last six months he’d spent all his time with me but needed to start doing Moreno of his own thing. Ok - again, disappointed but did not argue or freak out. I’m respectful and understanding of everyone’s needs - introvert or not. A few days later he leaves for work in the am - says he loves me - wishes me a fabulous day, etc. I’d had a bad day that day and when he reached out that night to get together I was not very receptive. I was torn on wanting to see him but feeling like maybe my mood wasn’t great and didn’t think it’s be good. He took my 30 second pause as me not wanting to see him. I was upset because he was assuming something without talking. He didn’t come over and the night ended with me being a bit ticked. My text to him was a stern good night. Two days later I get a text saying he apologizes for being a bit of a bummer lately - my natural response was what’s goin on? He never replied. The next free evening we have I suggest I bring dinner over, etc. his response ... I don’t know what I want, I’m not in a good headspace right now. I reached - heard nothing. Wait a few days - sent another text - heard nothing .... for almost a week. My text were not begging, needy or angry. Simply I’m concerned, understand you’re going through something. Told hi I loved him - think he is an amazing man, etc. he’s told me if his previous relationships and it sounds like he’s been with very unappreciative controlling women.
We finally chatted and he has decided he isn’t sure what he wants. Meeting kids and family has him freaked out and now he’s questioning everything. He’s completely shut off - tells me he isn’t feeling attraction, etc. this completely blindsided me - a week ago we were passionate (have a very healthy sex life), etc.
He’s told me he doesn’t want to string me along while he figures out what he wants. My struggle - and this is maybe where I am trying to understand the introvert, is that he admits that he jumped 100%, didn’t give himself his own space, etc and now is drained and questioning everything. I feel kinda ripped off to be honest. If I’d known he was truly an introvert - and educated myself in what that meant - I would have insisted we found some balance in our relationship. Now he’s unknowingly over extended himself - withdrawn to his own space - built a wall and that’s it. My suggestion was to get some space - figure out what amount of time worked for us - make use of the time we spend together, etc ... nothing. Says he isn’t sure. I finally realized he isn’t budging so asked if he was ready for me to leave - to walk out the door and if he realized what that meant. He said he didn’t know if he was ready for me to leave or not.
So frustrating. We have a great connection. I’m willing to give him his space because I understand that’s what he needs, but Is that it? I’m to just walk away and move on with no input? I realize you can’t force someone to be with you, but is it strange that he would not even want to slow down and see what we can figure out?
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