I caught the clue train.

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HarryPagetFlashman
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Apr 02, 2013 11:26 pm

I caught the clue train.

Postby HarryPagetFlashman » Wed Apr 03, 2013 1:42 am

- There has to be a relationship for it to fail.

- There will be no relationship if you give in to introversion, except maybe some creepy guy hitting on you in a Greyhound bus station.

- Crawl out of your shell and participate, that's the way to make a relationship happen. You may suffer failures and rejection but so what? If you don't try there will never be those epic failures that only failed intimate relationships can bring. In the long haul failures don't matter. It's the participation that counts. You will have successes. The law of averages commands it!

I won't say that I overcame introversion. It is still with me. I was born to it, so were you. But like any bad hand you get dealt you just make do. For me it was being in the military and getting promoted. If you were a shrinking violet you were going to top out at E-4 and be stuck doing crap duty. I wanted to promote. Realizing my shortcomings I learned to be vocally outgoing as the situation necessitated. Lucky me it involved more yelling than talking. But the talking came later, then conversations, then public speaking in front of large formations of men in uniform. Granted, it helped they were all in uniform and a captive audience but that kind of public speaking carries over in real life.

Ask yourself, "What's the worse than can happen?" If you don't like the answer then tell yourself, "So friggin' what."

Works for me.

User avatar
IWHMA
Senior Member
Posts: 163
Joined: Tue Apr 02, 2013 9:58 pm
MBTI code: INFP

Re: I caught the clue train.

Postby IWHMA » Wed Apr 03, 2013 2:49 am

Interesting. I have to disagree with some of what you say.

1) Introversion is nothing to be overcome. It's not a disease or anything; it's just who we are.

2) Trying to 'get out of your shell' may be what some desire to do, but many introverts prefer to stay therein.

You see, you can't attain a (good) relationship pretending to be someone you're not. If your force yourself someplace to meet people, guess which type of people you're going to meet... (guessing time over in 3..2..1..) the kind that like to go places. The kind that like people who like to go places. And that's what they'll think you are, and before you know it, you're exhausted and being dragged on 3 extroverted expeditions a month.

Of course, it does work sometimes; some introverts want an extroverted mate. It's just a matter of preference. And sometimes, when an introvert is dragged out somewhere, they're lucky enough to meet another introvert that's being dragged there as well.

I do like your methods of preventing anxiety, though. Realizing:

There has to be a relationship for it to fail.


And:

Ask yourself, "What's the worse than can happen?" If you don't like the answer then tell yourself, "So friggin' what."


Those points make a lot of sense to me.

And welcome!

HarryPagetFlashman
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Apr 02, 2013 11:26 pm

Re: I caught the clue train.

Postby HarryPagetFlashman » Wed Apr 03, 2013 3:14 am

Nope, not a disease, just the way the brain is wired. It's more a nature than nurture thing I think. See the link: http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts

The guy postulates it's a dopamine uptake thing. I wouldn't advocate every introvert change but if it is something that is holding you back you can do something about it or find a different path in life. I don't suggest pretending to be something you are not. Leopards have spots, tigers have stripes. It is by sheer force of will that you can do whatever you must. Whether you must is up to you. My natural set point is introversion but when the situation dictates I can be a very public person. I don't always feel comfortable with it but behaviors can be learned through practice. Viz: Sean Penn is a creep in real life but he makes a living acting. Go figure. If a creep can do it so can I.

I like being an introvert. Having a few really good friends is fine with me and makes for a very uncomplicated life. The Internet, a great wife and 4 companion dogs suffices for me. I am not a party animal.

SnakeOil
Posts: 1
Joined: Wed Apr 03, 2013 11:07 pm
MBTI code: INTJ

Re: I caught the clue train.

Postby SnakeOil » Wed Apr 03, 2013 11:10 pm

Harry, your erudite wisdom is only matched by you glucose reading. Bravo.


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