For discussions regarding relationships, including friends and family.
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Joined: Thu Mar 02, 2017 12:43 pm


Postby DaisyD » Thu Mar 02, 2017 12:55 pm

I am 37 years old female,happily married.
But I don't have any friends.
I used to have a lot of friends from country of my origin and they disappeared(all the sudden nobody didn't have the time)from my life once I moved to the country where I am now,that hurted me at the begining because I thought that we are "friends for life" and I found it strange everytime when I go home to visit that there is no one else to communicate with except my family.
Here where I am now (for almost 7years) I have acquaintances but not friends to go out,grab a coffe etc...
What worries me is that I actually stopped trying.I did try before but I guess I got tired showing initiative and not getting anything back,go tired of my efforts to make friends but nothing else is happening in return.I started to doubt my self if I am maybe boring and there is nothing that people see in me to make them stay friends or something else.It would be nice to have friends outside of mine and my husbands world but I am not intetested in trying anymore,I don't know if something is wrong with me.I started to have fear of other people rejection,judge...

Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Apr 28, 2017 10:09 am

Re: Friendships

Postby shortstuff » Fri Apr 28, 2017 10:29 am

Hi Daisy,

Don't worry you're not alone feeling like this, though your moving to a new country is different to me.

I have managed to cultivate two people I consider friends, one of whom I see perhaps once a fortnight for a couple of hours and one is a neighbour who I see maybe once every two months! I have come to realise that my definition of 'friend' was limited. When I was younger I felt that a proper friend is one you text or call several times a week and you always know what's going on in the other persons life, so I felt that I only had aquaintances, or people I knew a little, and as a consequence felt there must be something wrong with me - am I unlikable? do I scare people away? do they get bored of me?
I have discovered that as an introvert (and my main friend is also one), I don't have the time or inclination to put lots of effort onto 'full on' friendships, and if I started to make a friend who was more 'full on' I would almost certainly be scared and push them away and make excuses. My current number of friends is pretty low, but it suits me fine. I would struggle more if I wasn't happily married like you are - isn't it great to have someone you can have deep talks with when you need to?! Life is busy, why waste time worrying over fitting in to a norm.

If you feel you want more people to interact with outside of work, have you considered a club or shared interest? I know the idea of a club can be scary - so many new people! - but I find it helps to talk to people if there is something to discuss - I can't 'do' chit chat.

Good luck :-)

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