Introvert GF needs deeper conversation

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Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 2:37 am

Introvert GF needs deeper conversation

Postby mick714 » Mon Jan 30, 2017 4:17 am

I've been dating my girlfriend for 7 months and she's an extreme introvert and I'm an extreme extrovert and at times it's caused some friction, most recently she moved a few months ago and while I will be moving too soon we mostly have texting to cover our communication needs and things really dropped off last month and it's stressed me out more than I can even express. When we're together things are amazing but when I leave they suck and we have like one convo a week. I finally just said that it bothered me and we needed to work it out. She told me it was because when we text we just go through the small talk routine and she wished we could have a real conversation. The awesome thing is that I've been feeling the exact same way so I know we can fix this. The problem is that we fell hard for each other immediately, and way harder than we have anyone else in previous relationships, which was great but it meant that we kinda skipped the "getting to know you on a deeper level" stage. I'm a very well read guy, I've travelled a lot, I did debate in high school and college so I'm very politically minded, i love philosophy and art so I feel pretty well rounded, but she's not political and starting a conversation with "hey you want to talk about Bentham's theories on deontology?" Is kind of weird and off putting. So I want to know, what are some good ways that I can put my feelers out and figure out what she wants to talk about, especially when she doesn't initiate conversations? We go to bookstores and generally have something to talk about by what books the other picks up but aside from just saying "tell me what you're passionate about", I need some help, especially because I don't want to appear invasive. So how, as an introvert, would you want someone to approach the subject? What topics do you like to get into?

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Re: Introvert GF needs deeper conversation

Postby Optimist » Fri Feb 03, 2017 6:08 am


One technique that has worked for me, is to ask her what she would like to do on the coming weekend. You could provide some context for her by saying that you love her, and you would like to find more things that you both enjoy doing together.

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Joined: Sat Nov 18, 2017 4:21 pm

Re: Introvert GF needs deeper conversation

Postby ameliamarcus97 » Sat Nov 18, 2017 4:33 pm

Hello, I am new here. My name is Amelia. I totally understand what you feel and what you are going through. I myself am an introvert. My boyfriend is like you, politically minded, well-read etc. but me on the other hand do not know much about the current issues in the world today. I try looking it up but when I talk to my boyfriend, I feel stupid for not being on par with him. One way in our texts is that, he keeps the conversation going, as in he drives the conversation further. I am okay with that but apparently he is not.
I wanted to ask for help. I wanted to know how to drive further a conversation without handing over the responsibility of doing so to the other party?

Before that, let me tell you my story. When I was young, I was a talkative person and enjoyed making friends. But there was one thing I noticed about people while growing - even My own parents.
Every time I try to state my idea or opinion or tell my story, people tend to shut me out and act like my opinion is unworthy of their time when in fact they were clearly asking help on that issue, yet shut my idea out.

It made me really doubt of my capabilities so I rarely talk to people especially people I know I will meet again for the fear of them treating me the same way. I am friendly with strangers sometimes even saying 'hello' and asking about their day when clearly I am a very shy girl because I believe that if I dont have to meet them again, I wont have to embarrass myself. I become too excited when talking to the people I'm close with, which is totally normal. But when they start judging me and asking if I'm okay for acting that way, i will start doubting myself more and more. That is why in conversations, I tend to be the listener is instead of the person talking. Some people got angry with my action , but some understood but we git a bit distant afterwards because of how I was behaving.

Now, I am in a relationship with a great guy and I am in love with him. But, I am still with my same attitude of being a listener and only rarely talk and think of my own topic. He got angry at me and I feel awful because of this fear I had for years, I can't even talk to him without feeling pressured.

I need anyone's help and advice on how I can change this side of me and keep talking with no anxiety. I wanna make people comfortable with me. If you do not understand my problem, please do tell me so I can tell you a few events that associate with this.


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