How do you deal with love confessions?

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gloomspirit
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Joined: Tue Sep 15, 2015 1:04 am
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How do you deal with love confessions?

Postby gloomspirit » Mon Dec 12, 2016 2:46 am

I have this friend. I thought she was an introvert too. Maybe she is, but if my level of introversion is like 80% hers is like 10%(maybe less, maybe she isn't even an introvert). Soooo...somehow at her work she got involed in all of these relationships/gossips about guys. Nothing too serious, but for me even hearing her talking about the topic "guys and relationship" in the same sentence it's weird, it never happened in college.

We met one weekend to go an anime convention and as we were on the bus to "break the silence" I asked about all the gossip, I wouldn't normally care but I felt we had to talk about something and I was also a little worried about her. Anyhow, she finished telling me the story and then she asked me about any "love related story". My thougths: "I think I have fallen in love with the personality of this fictional character. *start describing him*" My reply: "Well...there is this guy at work. I really like talking with him. He is the first person I know that actually knows some of the games I've played. There're sometimes I would like to have lunch with him so we could talk about games, programming and these other things,but...I feel worried that it might end up bad(as with my other co-workers) as I only want to be his friend."
Let me tell you, I was honestly expecting her to support the way I was feeling. So her answer really shocked me "You should just have lunch with him, whatever that happens well...it happens."
My thoughts "You want me to destroy the possibility of having a true friendship over...over a some kind of futile relationship?"
She knows how it ended up with my other co-workers and how it all started as well. First some chats about something we both like, then we start having some lunchs together and then BAM...it's not even 3 months we've been talking, I don't even know nothing about them(And they don't know nothing about me aside the topics we discuss) and they just confess. I'm like, NO, I only want a pure friendship without having to deal with the "I think I like you". No thanks, that's too much of a hassle for me.

Maybe it's a bad thing about me, but...I find it easier to just cut ties with that person (after all we were just starting to meet) than to go throught all the process of getting over the "weirdness after the confession", maybe we won't be able to return to just being friends. Like I said...too much of a hassle.

As a general rule I'm not interested in dating, marriage is way out of the question. I would really like to be able to say from the beginnig of meeting someone: "All I'm interested in is friendship, so if you ever start liking me, well...don't ever tell me...just live with it and try to over come it XD" When I think about this phrase, I think it sounds selfish...ugh...

I don't know...how do you deal with a confession? How about the "after confession"? Am I making a big thing out of nothing?
It would be helpful to know know the best/normal way to react ;(

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LilTampa
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Joined: Sat Mar 26, 2016 4:11 am
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Re: How do you deal with love confessions?

Postby LilTampa » Mon Dec 19, 2016 8:41 pm

I don't think it's possible to set rules on a brand new relationship. However if you approach it with only friendship in your heart and do not allow any romantic overtones to sneak in you can make your expectations clear without having a contractually agreed upon friendship. It does sound like you've got some pretty strong walls built up around you though. You may want to take a look at that and see if it's more about you not feeling like you deserve true friendship or romance. The fella I'm with now (going on 4 years) told me he loved me after 3 or 4 weeks of hanging out as friends and I slapped him and didn't talk to him for a week. After another couple of months of hanging out as friends I realized I had fallen for him. He cared enough about me to be patient and kind and understanding but I had to commit to continuing our friendship. It may be easier to cut ties but it may be worth the weirdness in the long run (romantic or otherwise). I highly recommend slapping them. It clears the weirdness quicker and you get to slap someone.


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