Extrovert needing some advice with my introvert girlfriend.

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Extrovert needing some advice with my introvert girlfriend.

Postby mick714 » Mon Oct 10, 2016 4:52 am

Hello, I'm new to the forum and I hope this hasn't been asked to death. This may be a little long so I'm sorry in advance!
My girlfriend and I have been together for about four months and though I've dated one introvert before, I haven't had any experience with this level of introversion. I want to start by saying that I love my girlfriend, we immediately gravitated towards each other and it's been, for the most part, very easy and loving. That said, she needs her recharge time, which I try very hard to understand, but her recharge time is somewhere around a week. During that time she all but ignores me. Occasionally she will respond to a text, but she won't try to continue the conversation. She won't even tell me goodnight. I try very hard to respect her and give her the space she needs, but this comes on so suddenly that she goes radio silent quite abruptly and without warning. I'm not the clingy type, in fact I love that we're independent people, but the immediate cut off of communication gives me anxiety and I've expressed that to her, but she doesn't seem concerned enough about it to at least tell me we're okay. I know that seems like I'm wanting a lot but really I'm respecting her I wish she would do the same.
So that's the backstory. We don't fight and we've both had horrendous relationships and I want to avoid some potholes here. What can I do to make sure that both her need to recharge, and my need to be kept in the loop are met? Does this sound like typical introversion or that something is wrong here?
Thanks so much for your help!

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Re: Extrovert needing some advice with my introvert girlfriend.

Postby IWHMA » Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:40 pm

That sounds rough. I know as an introvert, I tend to do that a lot to my mom. I finally got her to understand that I am not mad at her, I am just unable to talk for a while. Sometimes a long while. The difference, though, is that I was concerned about how my mom felt, and your girlfriend doesn't seem concerned with your anxieties you say.

Maybe she just doesn't know how to explain her introverted needs to you. Regardless, if you two are in a serious relationship, she should try a little harder to contact you more often (even just saying goodnight, or saying she looks forward to the next time you two can talk, and reassuring you that she isn't upset with you). Even as an introvert (as introverted as they come), when I was dating my husband, I talked to him every day. It wasn't that difficult (though some longer conversations surely tired me out) because I thought of him as a companion.

Your relationship sounds like how I would interact with a friend (or out-of-house family), not a boyfriend. If I were treating someone that way, I'm probably not dating them...

I hope you two can come to an understanding.

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Re: Extrovert needing some advice with my introvert girlfriend.

Postby AcousticPond » Mon Oct 24, 2016 7:01 pm

I'm an extreme introvert, but I always make time to communicate with my better half, even when I'm mentally drained and can barely put two sentences together. I can't speak for your girlfriend, but texting drains me a lot less than face-to-face communication, so I don't have as much of a problem with it. That being said, if someone wanted to continually text me half the night and I had to endure my phone ding-ding-dinging relentlessly, yeah, I'd probably get pissed off and just shut it off. But, a simple text goodnight shouldn't take that much effort, especially when it's for that special someone.

You say it seems like you're asking for a lot, but to me, it doesn't. You're willing to give her whatever space and downtime she needs, and that indicates to me that you're pretty understanding (for an extrovert)! A simple text shouldn't be that difficult for her, especially when she knows you're worried. I kind of have to agree with IWHMA - not replying to text messages is something I do to an annoying, energy-sucking friend, not to a significant other. If she did respect you, she'd make that little bit of effort.

Good luck with this.

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Re: Extrovert needing some advice with my introvert girlfriend.

Postby Pathfinder » Tue Oct 25, 2016 10:42 am

To be blunt, I think you should seriously consider moving on. You two seem like you couldn't be further apart in your needs and the situation is not likely to get any better in the future. I'm sure the thought of that will be painful for you, but in my opinion the future holds much more unhappiness, especially after you exit the infatuation stage of your relationship.

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