Introvert anxiety - Other people's opinions

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tanksalot
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Introvert anxiety - Other people's opinions

Postby tanksalot » Thu Feb 25, 2016 10:20 pm

Having finally come to grips with my introversion, accepting it and trying to live as normal a life as possible, it's occurred to me that the greatest problem is not the introversion, but the stress of worrying about other people's feelings.

If I didn't care whatsoever about my relationships with others, I could do as I please and take the social consequences. BUT, I can only perceive other's reactions based upon my own to the same situation, and therein lies the problem.

Every other summer my wife's family rents a huge (11 bedroom) beach house, and for a week it's friendly conversation, drinking, sitting on the beach, large dinners etc. For me it's a week in hell. Very nice people, relaxed atmosphere, but TOO MUCH! I've tried taking personal side trips, spending quiet time alone etc., but I feel WEIRD.....different. Because it's true, I am different.

I've thought about making a speech to the whole family regarding my introversion, and I know some of the family is aware of how I am, but the stress of living my own life (and being different) is very close to the stress of "making believe" and just enduring the week. I also believe that those who really care about ME will understand, but I'm not sure that's possible. I guess I could just come up with a believable excuse to leave part-way through the week, or possibly show up mid-week (when many are talked-out; but.....I'm afraid many of them could go a month or more).

My introversion would not be nearly as much of a problem if I didn't care so much about offending people. I take everything personally, and just naturally believe others do the same.

Any ideas?
Thanks
Tanksalot

Kurtis
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Re: Introvert anxiety - Other people's opinions

Postby Kurtis » Fri Feb 26, 2016 3:09 pm

I believe in a way you've answered your own question. I know dealing with those kind of situations can be tough and I don't have any particular ideas for getting out of them, but is there a place you can retreat to in that huge mansion where no-one is allowed to disturb you? I'm sure everyone there wants their own private time at some point so designating a place and sticking to a strict rule could be a good start.

Whenever I'm at a gathering like this, I usually just get labelled as the 'quiet one' so they don't expect me to speak, and I don't feel uncomfortable being there. Apart of the problem in situations like this is managing your friends/families expectations as well as your own. Teaching them is a start, but being confident enough with yourself and knowing when enough's enough is the finish.

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nicoclone
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Re: Introvert anxiety - Other people's opinions

Postby nicoclone » Sat Feb 27, 2016 5:31 am

Well, it is good if you can accept yourself as an introvert.. since you can't change who you really are and don't accept it just make condition worse... you afraid that you may offense someone?? Is it because they feel offense since you are too quiet or they thought you are haughty for your quietness?? Well, why you should worried? Introvert is a good listener.. extrovert in the opposite side, is the one to be blamed to be offensive since they just like to penetrate introvert shield ROFTL.. interrupting while you were trying to convey sth that might boring them.. i am jealous of you to be able to live in a beach house xD..they should be the one to understand you, not you that need to...

Robinf82902
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Re: Introvert anxiety - Other people's opinions

Postby Robinf82902 » Wed Apr 13, 2016 12:44 pm

Your first paragraph is perfect. I was just trying to explain this to my mother last night. Though I prefer to be alone (well as alone as you can be with three children, a dog & a cat) I'm aware that I'm the minority and others crave interaction. In comes worrying about hurt feelings. So I end up in these situations that I do NOT want to be in. Mostly play dates. Saying hi to another mom a few times inevitably leads to an invite or a phone number exchange. The thing is I don't mind a little small talk at drop off...but that's where I want it to end. I've decided my only option next year is to keep my eyes on the ground.

Engage
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Re: Introvert anxiety - Other people's opinions

Postby Engage » Tue May 31, 2016 3:40 pm

I just get stress when the phone rings, or when someone knocks on the door. Why? Because I know I'll have to have some sort of chat or small talk with the person and it's not something I've ever been good at, unless by chance I can improvise something to say on the spot. I usually cut the interaction short before it can get awkward and silent.

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DC1346
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Re: Introvert anxiety - Other people's opinions

Postby DC1346 » Fri Jul 22, 2016 6:14 pm

If you have embraced your reclusive tendencies, why are you concerned about what other people think?

The sad reality is that we live in a world that's filled with all sorts of people. Some will accept you for who you are. Some will not.

Given how diverse people are, it's simply not possible to assuage everyone's feelings and as you have already noted, trying to do so can be stressful. My suggestion is simple. Be the person you are. Strive to do no wrong. If people can accept you for the person you are, so much the better. If people cannot accept you, unless that person is an employer or a colleague you have to work with, it's water under the bridge and I wouldn't worry about it.

In the words of John Lydgate: “You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can’t please all of the people all of the time”.”

Be well!

David


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