still my friend or is the friendship done?

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still my friend or is the friendship done?

Postby curious84 » Mon Nov 23, 2015 4:12 pm

This has previously bugged me and really bothered me in the past, but now it's like I've become numb to it and not so bothered about it much anymore.
I have this buddy who also is my co-worker. We are in different units and we used to hang out a lot. We BS, we talk about everything from girls, to life, to possibly moving in together, music (which definitely was a stickler in our friendship). I have had such a rough year and he has definitely been there for me during the most trying and hard times. I remember sometime during the summer, he became very cold towards me (to the point where I questioned if he even wanted me around) and I was completely baffled by this behavior. I asked him if everything was okay and if we were cool? He said everything is fine.
I did research on this behavior and it led me to believe either, maybe he was going through things and didn't want to talk, maybe he had a problem with me....etc. Not sure. That "behavior" eventually faded out and then we were cool again. At the beginning of October, I remember there was a Saturday night we hung out (night life, strip clubs, hollerin' at girls etc) and then when we got to work, once again, this behavior was happening again.
It has since been going on for awhile and doesn't seem to be ending. I even let a third party know about this (we have a mutual friend and its always the 3 of us together). I went as far as asking him if he noticed any changes or differences in our friend? he said no but that he's not close to him like the way he and I are. He advised me to talk to him about it. I remember I called him up one night to talk and he completely ignored my voicemail and phone call. This led me to believe he has a problem with me. Mind you, I have not insulted him, always am there whenever he needs a friend etc. In the past, he has told me on 2 occasions, 1. that he doesn't have any friends and then on another occasion, he doesn't have many friends. He tends to like to be alone. After doing some research, I learned more about introversion & extroversion and I still want to learn more.
I have since backed off and taken quite a few steps to not be in much contact w/ him much anymore. The simple good morning email is sent and now I don't even get a response. Just last weekend, we went to a concert and I even came out and said to him, "yo are we boys?" he replied right away and said absolutely. He wanted to know why I asked the question and told him straight out, sometimes I feel like i'm walking on eggshells when I'm around you and I don't even think you even want me around. He replied, "do you feel that way all the time?" and I said, "only at work."

What do you think? Are we still even friends anymore? He's a good person w/ a good heart but sometimes he can come off arrogant or ignorant.
Maybe i'm trippin because of all that has happened to me this year. I'm a type of person who stays in contact w/ friends, who is a giver and not a taker. I'll put myself out there so others won't suffer. Sometimes I may be too much or may trip, but that's just who I am.

I'm just wondering if I should even continue to try because i'm at the point where I want to give up on this friendship and truthfully, I don't want to but im being pushed to that point.

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Re: still my friend or is the friendship done?

Postby Annie » Tue Nov 24, 2015 10:55 pm

My initial thought is maybe he has stronger feelings for you than you think and he is unsure of what to do or say..
I don't like seagulls...

Scottish INFJ

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Re: still my friend or is the friendship done?

Postby curious84 » Wed Dec 02, 2015 12:03 pm

There's still some communication, but the dynamic has changed big time and now I just keep it short and simple because I have tried to talk to him to see what the problem is. I can't read minds and if that is the case w/ him having stronger feelings, I would be shocked, not uncomfortable but open communication is definitely the way to go in my personal opinion.
Pretty sad when we used to be tight and now I feel like I'm walking on even bigger eggshells.
I'm a pretty patient person and I'll give a person their space for sure. I'm just finding out about introversion and extroversion and I'm all about trying to learn more, when to give people their space and what not, but I have no idea what to do now. I'm definitely going to focus more on my other friends more and of course pursuing a good women to come into my life, but it just seems the friendship has run it's course.
I may be overthinking it some.

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