Exhausted from my relationship...

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Exhausted from my relationship...

Postby Dana » Sun Oct 11, 2015 3:07 pm

Hi everyone,
I'm so glad to have find this place, I feel much less alone now...

I'm 24 years old and me and my boyfriend (a complete extrovert) have been together for almost 5 months.
I moved to a different country to study, and he was born here.
I really do love him but he really likes going out in general and especially going out with his friends while I just love being home.
I realise it's a must to meet his friends, and I feel pretty bad about how I feel about meeting them - I just don't care about it.
I don't want to meet them, it doesn't interest me, I'm cool with the people I know and I just hate meeting new people, especially since they speak a language I'm still not completely fluent in, and although english is not my mother tongue, half of my life is in english, and they don't understand a word!!! And it's literally FREAKING ME OUT!
Anyways... I did come one time when they went out, it was a small group so I was "ok" with it but I was quite ALL the time. I had absolutely nothing to say, no way to partecipate in a conversation and I just waited to go home already...

I talked to him about it and he knows how difficult it is to me so he's trying his best and we really did go home after an hour and a half.
The worst case that have been was when we went on a vacation in London after I finally finished all my exams but then he had a good friend living there and of course we had to meet her... I was SO upset about it that I was extremely cranky and stressed out the whole day and even the day before. He promised me it will be quick also because we were exhausted.
It lasted about 3 hours. i didn't say anything the whole time. I had nothing to say, I had nothing in common with those people and i didn't even want to be there in the first place.
We had a huge fight over it.

Trying to cut short... He always wants to go out and I really really don't (I have no problem with him going out with his friends without me).
I sometimes (frequently) thinking about breaking up because of it. It stresses me out so much and I kind of hate him when he causes me to enter these situations ("please just do it for me") and it happens all the time... I don't know what to do about it.. I feel extremely sad but I just want to do what I want to do, I don't want to suffer! And I don't want to disappoint him like this all the time.

what do you think?

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Re: Exhausted from my relationship...

Postby Daisy » Mon Oct 12, 2015 6:56 am

Welcome Dana, Read through some of our comments on this, I hope it helps you decide.
Personally for me, relationships with extroverts don't work out long-term.

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Re: Exhausted from my relationship...

Postby Orientalist » Sat Oct 17, 2015 4:00 am

It is indeed difficult to make a relationship work with an extrovert, particularly if the guy is the extrovert.
If the truth hurts, you ain't livin' right.

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Re: Exhausted from my relationship...

Postby Limonata » Sat Nov 07, 2015 2:46 am

Hey, there.

That sounds really rough, sorry. It sounds like going out with his friends is really painful for you, and that maybe some resentment is beginning to build up around that. It also sounds like you both have talked about it, and that he is at least trying to understand. I also think that compromise goes both ways, and that while he needs to respect your need for down time, you do need to put your introversion aside and try hanging with his buddies sometime. Which, again, it sounds like you have been doing. So, the question is, why isn't it working? Why is it still so hard? I think you need to deepen your understanding of the situation a bit, and then maybe the way forward will be clear. And maybe that way is that you should break up. Only you can answer that.

Maybe ask yourself some of these questions. How do you feel when your boyfriend asks you to attend a social event? Is your immediate response stress and anxiety? If so, I think that you may need to determine how many social occasions you are willing to attend per week or month, and what the guidelines for that are (how many people? for how long? are you allowed to leave before he does? how much notice to you need ahead of time?) it sounds like you have done some of that already, so good job, but maybe you need to do more? also, does how often does he hang out with your friends without needing you there? it is totally understandable that it is important for him that you hang out with them and get to know them, but less reasonable for him to want you to be there overtime he wants to see them.

Also, I think that maybe if you are dreading the socializing for days before hand, that makes it impossible to enjoy yourself. And maybe part of that is that you are putting to much pressure on yourself to be a certain way? Be patient with yourself, and don't expect to get along with his friends quickly. If you feel guilty and stressed out, it is not going to be fun! These things take time for some of us. ;)

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