Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

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Emusing
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Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

Postby Emusing » Thu Aug 27, 2015 4:42 am

Recently I had a moderate argument with my teacher (someone I respect and look up to as a mentor) - argument as in there were no raised voices, but I still get stressed out by conflict easily. Anyway, it was all resolved and we found understanding eventually.

The thing is, two days later I still can't stop replaying the incident in my mind. Sometimes I imagine things I should have said. Often I still worry about how he perceives me. I want him to respect me, and I was really upset by this conflict that we had.

It's over and done, but I can't move on. I have tried rationalizing that I can't control the perceptions of others, nor can I expect everyone to like me. Realizing these truths alone doesn't seem to change my thought patterns.

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Justwatching
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Re: Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

Postby Justwatching » Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:54 am

You ruminate about conflicts often, or is this unusual for you?

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Re: Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

Postby Kurtis » Thu Aug 27, 2015 8:22 pm

I can understand this; when I'm flustered and trying to engage someone in an argument when I'm not calm I often feel like I've left things unsaid afterwards and them things tend to proliferate in my mind. Technically speaking, the situation is 'dealt' with but the source of the problem is yet to be resolved. I've found in situations like this your problems are not resolved, and it's wiser to actually speak to a third-party who isn't directly involved in the problem and get their insight into the situation... more often than not a clear, fresh head can actually help you resolve your own problem.

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Annie
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Re: Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

Postby Annie » Thu Aug 27, 2015 10:32 pm

You've just explained exactly what I go through everyday :(
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Emusing
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Re: Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

Postby Emusing » Sat Aug 29, 2015 12:03 am

This happens very often in my life. It's hard to break the unhelpful behavior. I've read several books on dealing with social anxiety (I wouldn't describe that as my problem, but over thinking seems to be an anxious trait), but to no avail.

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Justwatching
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Re: Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

Postby Justwatching » Sat Aug 29, 2015 8:57 pm

Emusing wrote:I've read several books on dealing with social anxiety (I wouldn't describe that as my problem, but over thinking seems to be an anxious trait), but to no avail.


Rumination is also associated with depression, OCD and those with low cognitive control (inhibition, specifically). Any of these of these a better fit?

Look up 'mindfulness'. I'm not endorsing the technique, but have heard of it's use in reducing negative ruminations.

Butterfly88
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Re: Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

Postby Butterfly88 » Sun Oct 04, 2015 8:44 pm

I do this too. I always thought I did it because I have social anxiety but maybe it is an introvert thing too.

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Orientalist
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Re: Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

Postby Orientalist » Sat Oct 10, 2015 3:17 am

I believe psychologists call this replaying of conflicts and other bad stuff "scripting."
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Re: Can't stop overthinking and replaying conflicts

Postby Raincloud » Sat Oct 10, 2015 10:41 pm

Sometimes it helps me to remember, when a particular conflict haunts me, that this is just one incident, it isn't the whole relationship. There are areas in any relationship where two people aren't going to agree, ever. But one can let that ruin the relationship or simply chalk it up as one thing we disagree on and move on. No two people are perfectly compatible, as friends, neighbors, lovers, siblings - you name it. In fact there's something I need to remember this about today. So thanks for this thread.


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