Just sharing - Opposites attract

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Jolene
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Just sharing - Opposites attract

Postby Jolene » Thu Aug 13, 2015 6:54 pm

Hello,

I don't have a specific question, but I'd like to share a story about my previous relationship. Feel free to share your thoughts. Sorry if I make some mistakes in English, I can also tell my story in Dutch but I don't think I'd get a lot of response :lol:

I met my last boyfriend online and after two weeks of texting we met in a bar. He was amazing actually, goodlooking, smart, funny, great teeth (I'm a big fan of dental hygiene :mrgreen: ). I'm pretty amazing myself :rofl: so we fell in love ... He was really sweet, gave me enough attention, cooked...

When he was single he went out every night, yes every night. So he got up in the morning, left for work and came back home after midnight. He can't stand being alone so he goes out all the time. He had 3 best female friends, with whom he met 3 times a week. They also called each other every day. He even went on a weekend with one of them while we were dating. I was never afraid that it would be something more than friendship, but the feeling that your boyfriend allready has three other girls he sees that often isn't nice. Besides that he played snooker every monday night, ate at his parents house every wednesday and wanted to see his (male) friends also on a weekly basis. He also never really plans any of these activities, on his way home from work he calls up some friends and he meets with them.

Then there's me :sleepy: After work I make dinner, eat, prepare a lunch for work and I choose my outfit for the day after that. Then I watch some tv, read a book, go to the gym, go to bed every day at the same hour... eat sleep chill repeat ...

Needless to say... we turned out to be a horrible couple! We were madly in love but the relationship was exhausting for me. I like spending a lot of time with my boyfriend, but I prefer to do things with him alone and preferably at home. We had fun together but that's not enough for an extrovert. He really needed to see all of his friends every week. I tried my best to go with him, but after a while I started feeling something wasn't right for me. At the time I didn't know what it was. Even when I was home alone and he was out, I was annoyed by his constant need to socialize. We started having a lot of arguments and eventually we broke up. It was really painful for both of us because we really liked each other and had amazing times togheter but I couldn't stand living with an extrovert like that.

At first I thought there was something wrong with me, because I can't be that much fun all the time, I need a lot of routine in my life... Reading on introverts really helped me understand all of this better. This forum is amazing because I recognise myself in some of your stories :yes:

The only thing I ask myself is why I'm always attracted to guys like this if I can't stand being with them! Next time I meet a guy I'll try to listen to my head as well as my heart. So all you guys posting on this forum that you have trouble finding a girlfriend, I would like an introvert boyfriend this time. We should start our own datingsite... Anyone good with websites?

Belgian Girl

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Daisy
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Re: Just sharing - Opposites attract

Postby Daisy » Fri Aug 14, 2015 3:18 am

I've learned from experience that relationships with an extrovert doesn't work for me.

It's a good idea to have a dating website for introverts.

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Orientalist
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Re: Just sharing - Opposites attract

Postby Orientalist » Fri Aug 14, 2015 9:55 am

Jolene, my youngest nephew is like your ex, so I can sympathize. Not only does he need friends around him at all times, but he doesn't like to sleep alone. As long as he was rooming with guys at university he didn't seem to need a steady girlfriend, but now he's working and living alone, he does. :D

The website idea is interesting. I wonder why no one has tried it. A friend of mine set up a get-together website for "seniors" some years ago and met his current wife through it.

BTW, your English is excellent.
If the truth hurts, you ain't livin' right.

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SandWshooter
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Re: Just sharing - Opposites attract

Postby SandWshooter » Sun Aug 16, 2015 6:39 pm

I can imagine what a nightmare dating an extrovert would be; I already have issues maintaining just regular ol' friendships, myself
Hi, mac!

llw14
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Re: Just sharing - Opposites attract

Postby llw14 » Sat Aug 29, 2015 7:18 am

SandWshooter wrote:I can imagine what a nightmare dating an extrovert would be; I already have issues maintaining just regular ol' friendships, myself

Well considering that 99% of women are extrovert, you're in for a long painful search. Since ther are some on this forum, they're not quite the unicorns I expected but they are quite rare...but ya it is a nice thought dating someone that's actually similar to you, :violin: .

tongue35
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Re: Just sharing - Opposites attract

Postby tongue35 » Mon Aug 31, 2015 8:17 pm

i can relate OP..i have had 2-3 relationships with extroverted women..in all 3 cases there was mutual attraction and right off the bat we hit it off..i also realized very quickly that their very active social lifestyle would break our relationship IF they couldnt dial it back a little bit or understand my nature..in all cases i tried my best to keep up with them socially but this was pointless..sure, i could keep up for awhile but it left me no time for myself and i was constantly drained from it..the women just could not understand how i didnt want to go out to eat with them and their friends and then spend all night at a bar only to go boating with that entire group the entire next day as well..so, these relationships ended..

on the other hand i have dated 2 introverts and i hate to say it but they struck me as boring.. they were literally hermits who never went out for exercise or wanted to do much of anything besides read or play board games..we were rarely ever able to meet in the same good headspace together..

so im definitely confused..i cant handle extroverted women and so far, the introverted women dont fit well with me either..i think i need an introverted girl with a slight dash of extroversion running in her bloodstream..lol..

tongue35
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Re: Just sharing - Opposites attract

Postby tongue35 » Mon Aug 31, 2015 8:20 pm

SandWshooter wrote:I can imagine what a nightmare dating an extrovert would be; I already have issues maintaining just regular ol' friendships, myself


lol dating an extrovert there were times when i literally saw the relationship as putting in overtime...im not kidding, all the extra socializing i found myself doing was very draining..

ditto on maintaining normal friendships..i found i have to work extra hard just to maintain these anymore..gets harder with age i think as its so easy to grow apart etc etc

tongue35
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Re: Just sharing - Opposites attract

Postby tongue35 » Mon Aug 31, 2015 8:44 pm

for introverted women, im not sure if you are like this but when you are out shopping or at a bar, how "open" are you to strangers approaching you to talk?im not talking about a guy that comes up and starts dropping cheesy one liners, i mean a guy who simply starts asking questions?reason i ask is in my experience when i approach introverted(im guessing they are introverted) women(mostly in bookstores) i notice they are usually not very inviting to conversation..its very difficult to approach introverted girls randomly and start conversations..its almost like they have a wall put up and u have to stand there and knock it down with a small chisel..with extroverted women, i find they have such a welcoming personality for the most part..they seem very eager to socialize and talk and they ask questions etc etc...theres energy present in extroverts that is mising in introverts..this is what is frustrating about meeting or trying to meet introverts in real life(not online dating)..anyone else find this to be the case?

i remember a few introverted women, even after a few phone-calls were very hard to talk to..they just didnt seem to say much or show much emotion or energy..i found that to be almost as draining as trying to keep up with an extroverted woman :)

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Daisy
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Re: Just sharing - Opposites attract

Postby Daisy » Tue Sep 01, 2015 5:39 am

I have no problem with speaking with anyone - one on one.


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