need some help with an introverted friend

For discussions regarding relationships, including friends and family.
jakey
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2015 7:27 pm

need some help with an introverted friend

Postby jakey » Tue Jul 14, 2015 8:04 pm

Hi All, i hope this is the right place to post this.
i have a friend who is an introvert. we have been on off for 20 years. at times she and i are close she will open up and we carry on as i expect friends to be (notice i said i not we), then it can seem suddenly that i just get pushed away, i don't feel as if i have done anything different to make it happen. its just moving along then the switch flips. granted there are many other reasons besides the introvert part that can cause this so i may be way off base here anyway but it is difficult for me when it happens. I want things to be mutual and i honestly believe the feelings are, its just i keep going one way and she goes another way i believe. then she may come back to me in 4,5,11 months and we start again, i honestly believe there are no games being played.
i will admit its kind of hard and hurtful and if were the average person, i would not loose sleep for long, in this case its a very special person to me and i want to keep this friend in my life. i think when it happens i push back too hard when i realize it and it further makes things worse. i guess i am looking for some help. i did a little reading on line and it just does not seem to get me anywhere. this time were 2 1/2 month into the push away as i call it and i get frustrated, yet i feel somewhere nothing has changed just maybe it is normal this way, i could be all wrong like i said.
it's a friendship worth keeping so i would do anything i could just need a little help and guidance understanding things. and i will put out there that i get a high level of anxiety when it gets this way likely not helpful. is there a way i can get through just to spend some time or should i just go away for a while? no matter what i do not want to hurt her in any way, just open communications up again.
Thanks Much, Jakey

User avatar
Daisy
Senior Member
Posts: 297
Joined: Wed Nov 26, 2014 2:14 am
MBTI code: ISFP
Gender: Female

Re: need some help with an introverted friend

Postby Daisy » Wed Jul 15, 2015 8:02 pm

Welcome Jakey, All I can suggest is to let her come to you. Try having no contact for awhile.

llw14
Posts: 73
Joined: Wed Jun 04, 2014 4:06 pm
MBTI code: INTJ
Gender: Male

Re: need some help with an introverted friend

Postby llw14 » Thu Jul 16, 2015 3:17 pm

If this has been going on for 20yrs then things are unlikely to ever change. Did you ever try having a discussion about this with her? If not, why?

I think you need to have an honest discussion about your expectations and what both of you want out of this friendship; honestly, this should have happened quite a while ago. Do you want more than just friendship? If so, then 20 yrs seems like an extremely long time to be waiting around. It's quite a lot of time to have lost as you still don't have a resolution. If you do indeed want more, you shouldn't be settling for friendship as it will just drive you crazy...been there done that. In general you never want to be waiting around for someone. I was hanging out with one girl many yrs ago and during the course of a yr, she probably disappeared and reappeared several times. I waited around for her and of course, she never came around and I lost a yr of dating possibilities with other options.

Introverts generally don't disappear for 11 months. Maybe a month or two. Maybe in this time she started dating someone else but never told you because she thought you had feelings for her and didn't want to hurt you? Do you ever find out what she's up to during her "time off"?

jakey
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2015 7:27 pm

Re: need some help with an introverted friend

Postby jakey » Thu Jul 16, 2015 3:29 pm

Thanks Daisy, that's usually what i end up doing, partially out of frustration and mainly because i do realize it's kind of the way she is. it's a little difficult but i know her personality well enough. normally i will send a quick joke text or a how are you text every couple weeks and i usually will get a quick reply, i try not to be selfish and respect her needs, but i also won't throw anyone out of my life i care about. i guess it's just a bit strange for me to understand, my personality is the exact opposite, i hate alone time and my "me time" is usually very short when i need it and it's only to figure out a problem and its right back to moving along. i figure I'll just keep being there as hard as it is to understand sometimes.
Jakey

jakey
Posts: 3
Joined: Tue Jul 14, 2015 7:27 pm

Re: need some help with an introverted friend

Postby jakey » Thu Jul 16, 2015 3:37 pm

hi llw,
we have had the discussion and i believe we both understand what we want. i don't want anymore than what i have, otherwise we would have been done talking years ago. i don't really care what she does in the away time as long as she is ok, it's not relevant to our friendship for me, but she is indeed very busy with work and other issues at home. Like you said it just may be her way not trying to hurt me somehow.
Jakey


Return to “Relationships”

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: Google [Bot] and 1 guest