New girlfriend, how to explain the whole introvert thing

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aaronmt1988
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Joined: Sun Mar 08, 2015 1:05 pm

New girlfriend, how to explain the whole introvert thing

Postby aaronmt1988 » Sun Mar 08, 2015 1:17 pm

So I've been dating this girl for a couple of months, and things are to be going pretty great. She's incredibly sweet, and caring, and we make each other happy so far. As of lately though, as our relationship has been evolving, she seems to be exhibiting (what I as an introvert to be) somewhat clingy behavior. She's not really what I consider an extrovert, she's more in the middle of the spectrum (I don't believe the introvert-extrovert thing to be black and white, I consider them extreme opposites on a spectrum), but she's definitely not introvert like me at all. I'm an EMT, and so I work a lot, and work really weird hours, and as it is it is difficult to make time for my friends and family, and the time for myself that I need to recharge. I know how to make time for the people I want to spend time with and make time to spend alone, I'm good with that. But for this to work, and I really want it to, I need to help her understand that I do need my space. Confrontation is TERRIFYING for me, I don't want to hurt her feelings and make her think that I'm saying I don't want to be with her, cause as non-introvert, I'm sure that's the first thing she'll think. For those of you in relationships (romantic or platonic) with non-introverts, how do you help those people understand that?

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Daisy
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MBTI code: ISFP
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Re: New girlfriend, how to explain the whole introvert thing

Postby Daisy » Sun Mar 08, 2015 6:15 pm

Welcome aaronmt1988, All you can do is have an honest talk with her, tell her it's nothing personal, but you need
a lot of alone time.

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Orientalist
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Re: New girlfriend, how to explain the whole introvert thing

Postby Orientalist » Wed Mar 11, 2015 3:24 am

Find a good article on introversion and ask her to read it. That way the idea that you need your own space is effectively coming from a third party (the author of the article) and not from you. You can follow that up with an honest discussion.
If the truth hurts, you ain't livin' right.

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MrCawfle
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MBTI code: INTJ
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Re: New girlfriend, how to explain the whole introvert thing

Postby MrCawfle » Tue Jun 09, 2015 12:15 am

First of all, I sooooo get the whole you-work-odd-shifts-and-your-home-time-is-precious thing. I work public safety and have slaved 6 years on afternoon shift and 5 on graveyard. Holidays...Christmas...Thanksgiving...Ugh!

Now, I can't speak for anyone else but I consider myself to be a cat. A dog can run with the pack all day long and not get tired. I need to stay in the shadows and reflect. Sure I like to hang out with a dog who isn't too hyper, once in a while. After that I need time on the windowsill to work on my mysterious cat-like endeavors. This is how I would break the news to my girlfriend that my Briggs Myer type starts with a *SHOCK!* "I".


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