Opposites attract, oh the humanity!

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Lorn
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Opposites attract, oh the humanity!

Postby Lorn » Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:37 am

Has anyone else had this experience where they attract the exact opposite type of people?

I attract extroverts like children to unguarded candy, as well as very sensitive, family- and feeling-oriented men (but I want the intellectuals who are often caught up in debate or studying). Even at my age, I have no idea what they see in me when I'm very clearly not like them, not interested in the things they're interested in, etc.

I think my MBTI is ISTJ, and when I posted a profile online to meet new people the first to honestly respond is... an ENFP! Flat-out latches onto the fact that we're opposites. :lol:

It's maddening. I made one new friend recently who shares my sense of humor and loves long, focused discussions on shared interests, but he already has a girlfriend and I'm not looking to intrude. All this social interaction is exhausting me, but I need a few more people in my life and am not going to meet any potential dates shut up in my room.

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SandWshooter
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Opposites attract, oh the humanity!

Postby SandWshooter » Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:42 am

I have little in common personality-wise with my closest friends. We get along well, though, so it doesn't really matter, and I'm not too hung up on NOT having friends that I have a ton in common with
Hi, mac!

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Lorn
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Opposites attract, oh the humanity!

Postby Lorn » Mon Jun 16, 2014 7:52 am

SandWshooter wrote:I have little in common personality-wise with my closest friends. We get along well, though, so it doesn't really matter, and I'm not too hung up on NOT having friends that I have a ton in common with


I've tried and wound up bored to death or constantly irritated. Not to sound harsh, but if someone doesn't have the same communication style, the same outlook, the same sense of humor, or the same interests... why are we talking outside of work or business?

At least one friend's girlfriend is now talking to me, too. She's much more literary than I am and is interested in things like Greek poets and high fantasy, which I don't read, but that's the cool kind of difference because it's based off of some vaguely similar values and interests. It's something I can relate to, and we can both make the kind of jokes we like without worrying about hurt feelings.
Last edited by Lorn on Mon Jun 16, 2014 8:08 am, edited 1 time in total.

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SandWshooter
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Opposites attract, oh the humanity!

Postby SandWshooter » Mon Jun 16, 2014 8:07 am

Lorn wrote:I've tried and wound up bored to death or constantly irritated. Not to sound harsh, but if someone doesn't have the same communication style, the same outlook, the same sense of humor, or the same interests... why are we talking outside of work or business?


It takes all kinds, variety is the spice of life, etc


Having friends different than you is neat because it gives you an inside look at other kinds of folk's perspectives in any given situation
Hi, mac!

llw14
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Opposites attract, oh the humanity!

Postby llw14 » Tue Jun 17, 2014 2:19 pm

Lorn wrote:Has anyone else had this experience where they attract the exact opposite type of people?

I attract extroverts like children to unguarded candy

Yeah, me too. It's the same type of women over and over. If we meet through online dating, I've even gone so far as to question them about their needs/preferences for socializing/down time and every single time, you get the "I'm somewhere in the middle, I like alone time but like some socializing as well", only to meet and get to realize they're full extroverts...very frustrating.

I always wondered what it would be like being with another introvert. We'd both probably get lost in each other and in our own world which I'm sure at some point would prove to be not so good. The flip side is that with an extrovert, you have competing needs; they NEED to socialize and run around all the time, you need down time and lots of it. It's a constant struggle.

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Lorn
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Opposites attract, oh the humanity!

Postby Lorn » Tue Jun 17, 2014 6:22 pm

llw14 wrote:Yeah, me too. It's the same type of women over and over. If we meet through online dating, I've even gone so far as to question them about their needs/preferences for socializing/down time and every single time, you get the "I'm somewhere in the middle, I like alone time but like some socializing as well", only to meet and get to realize they're full extroverts...very frustrating.


I have noticed that people tend to be very vague, possibly to avoid scaring anyone off by not being normal or inoffensive enough.

llw14 wrote:I always wondered what it would be like being with another introvert. We'd both probably get lost in each other and in our own world which I'm sure at some point would prove to be not so good. The flip side is that with an extrovert, you have competing needs; they NEED to socialize and run around all the time, you need down time and lots of it. It's a constant struggle.


I did spend 3 hours talking instead of getting around to a movie I was going to watch, but I came away with a much deeper understanding of Jung's theories and the knowledge that I have someone who gets me. The kind of people I'm complaining about don't provide that because they don't sit still conversationally, they don't like my sense of humor, they prefer sports to books, etc.

I'm not saying my friends aren't different from me, because they all are. I just want someone capable of understanding and appreciating me instead of someone who sees me as a mystery to be unraveled or a girl who won't judge them for how much time they spend on video games and D&D.

Someone who values spending their time on the outdoors and on actively socializing isn't going to truly understand or appreciate the fact that I value spending mine on indoor pursuits or that I prefer to be alone most of the time beyond, "That's so interesting." As an example.

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Daisy
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Opposites attract, oh the humanity!

Postby Daisy » Mon Dec 01, 2014 8:24 pm

My husband and I both are introverted, it works out well, as we share common interests.

My first husband was very extroverted, that marriage didn't last. My friends are a mixture of both types,

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Opposites attract, oh the humanity!

Postby tongue35 » Wed Dec 17, 2014 3:08 am

Lorn wrote:
I have noticed that people tend to be very vague, possibly to avoid scaring anyone off by not being normal or inoffensive enough.



I did spend 3 hours talking instead of getting around to a movie I was going to watch, but I came away with a much deeper understanding of Jung's theories and the knowledge that I have someone who gets me. The kind of people I'm complaining about don't provide that because they don't sit still conversationally, they don't like my sense of humor, they prefer sports to books, etc.

I'm not saying my friends aren't different from me, because they all are. I just want someone capable of understanding and appreciating me instead of someone who sees me as a mystery to be unraveled or a girl who won't judge them for how much time they spend on video games and D&D.

Someone who values spending their time on the outdoors and on actively socializing isn't going to truly understand or appreciate the fact that I value spending mine on indoor pursuits or that I prefer to be alone most of the time beyond, "That's so interesting." As an example.


i have yet to meet any extrovert that truly understands or respects my need for solitude...the extroverted girls i have met in the past were even more puzzled, they almost viewed it as 'wrong'...ive had friends claim they understand my need for privacy and solitude only to then beg me to come out with them to some bar or gathering..i just shake my head anymore..ive actually lost or just given up on friendships in the past due to this..ive known introverts in my life but even i needed less social time than them..lol


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