Dating an extrovert - advice needed

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Pippa
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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby Pippa » Tue May 06, 2014 5:50 am

Hi guys,

I'm looking for some advice. I've been in a relationship with my very extroverted partner for over 5 years. I am quite good socially and have lots of friends but need a *lot* of down time. Recently I've begun to feel that my partner resents that I'm home so often. I've gone through a stressful period recently caring for my mother while she has cancer. I just want to go home from work each night and watch tv or read a book. He is very social and plays in a band and when he is home he's either working or practicing or doing something useful.

Sometimes I feel like I need to take up a hobby or see my friends more just so he doesn't think poorly of me. But really I just want down time and an early night. Because we're so different in this way I don't feel like I can't fully relax in the house we share because I'm worried he's judging me for watching something trashy or something like that.

To make up for this I'm always reminding him that I'm introverted and I think he's getting sick of me talking about that too.

Has anyone esle ever been in a similar situation? Should I care whether he's judging me for being at home? How would you handle the situation?

Thanks :)

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SandWshooter
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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby SandWshooter » Wed May 07, 2014 5:12 am

Try telling him what's up, in great detail, to make him understand. Having him understand your needs *exactly* might lessen your worries about him judging you.
Hi, mac!

Snowcrow
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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby Snowcrow » Wed May 07, 2014 8:09 pm

If he can't accept you for who you are then he doesn't deserve you.
You need to sit down and ask him if he really resents your behaviour, or if you're just exaggerating the situation in your head.

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Pathfinder
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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby Pathfinder » Thu May 08, 2014 6:10 pm

I'm with Snowcrow on this one. As hard as it might be, a serious heart to heart will set you free one way or another. I think that if he gets a sense that you're trying to understand his needs that he may look closer at yours.

I made it very clear to my wife early on that I need a lot of time to myself, and that it is not her that is the problem. I simply explained that I'm not a good person if I don't get enough "quiet time". She's been very good about it. I am away a lot. On the other had I also do a lot with her, but not necessarily social stuff. I will say however that she's not as extroverted as your partner.

A co-worker got to talking to me one day about his introverted wife. He understands the situation more that most it seems. He was telling me however that it does irritate him sometimes. Quite honestly, I think I can understand that. Relationships are always a work in progress though, and a heart to heart would just be one more step in making things work.

Pippa
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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby Pippa » Thu May 08, 2014 10:55 pm

Thanks so much for the advice everyone. It is all good and sensible advice that I needed to hear. I probably haven't tried to explain it to him completely and without a sense of judgement that he's not understanding me (which I'm sure doesn't help).

Also Snowcrow, liked your suggestion to make sure I'm not blowing it up in my head. I do have a tendency to do this, so it was a good reminder for me to check in.

I'm sure part of my problem is some amount of internalised stigma around introversion - not with my intro friends but with my extro partner. Can't help but think sometimes 'damn, wish I would be doing so much stuff without feeling exhausted.'

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby SandWshooter » Fri May 09, 2014 6:01 am

Snowcrow is now our designated relationship advice guy, whether he likes it or not; if you need to ask him stuff but can't contact him, just tell me and I'll pester him relentlessly until I get some kind of reaction
Hi, mac!

Pippa
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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby Pippa » Fri May 09, 2014 6:51 am

Haha - I will keep this in mind :)

Snowcrow
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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby Snowcrow » Sat May 10, 2014 1:49 pm

xD

Justice
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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby Justice » Sun May 11, 2014 3:44 pm

Snowcrow wrote:If he can't accept you for who you are then he doesn't deserve you.


Can I hire you to find a person like that for me? :lotsofcomputers:

:lol:

Snowcrow
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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby Snowcrow » Sun May 11, 2014 4:17 pm

Justice wrote:
Can I hire you to find a person like that for me?:lotsofcomputers:

:lol:

Sure, just give me a few minutes to set up at machmaker service in the netherlands :D

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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby Justice » Sun May 11, 2014 5:17 pm

Snowcrow wrote:Sure, just give me a few minutes to set up at machmaker service in the netherlands :D


Deal, let me know when you'll be done ;)

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Dating an extrovert - advice needed

Postby tongue35 » Tue May 13, 2014 3:43 pm

Pippa wrote:Thanks so much for the advice everyone. It is all good and sensible advice that I needed to hear. I probably haven't tried to explain it to him completely and without a sense of judgement that he's not understanding me (which I'm sure doesn't help).

Also Snowcrow, liked your suggestion to make sure I'm not blowing it up in my head. I do have a tendency to do this, so it was a good reminder for me to check in.

I'm sure part of my problem is some amount of internalised stigma around introversion - not with my intro friends but with my extro partner. Can't help but think sometimes 'damn, wish I would be doing so much stuff without feeling exhausted.'

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.


i always feel the stigma of introversion..when im enjoying my free time, my extro buddies are out being social and living it up whereas if i was to be out and about, i would just end up drained and irritable and wanting to go home..

i would not last long with an extroverted partner..they would want to do much more than i would be willing or able to..


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