the approach

For discussions regarding relationships, including friends and family.
nix87
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the approach

Postby nix87 » Sat Oct 12, 2013 6:22 am

Do anybody have a hard time approaching a person you find attractive?

I don't know how I let all this come out, I was writing an got caught up in the moment. What started as a simple question kinda lead in to a out burst of feelings. So sorry for this being so long an even confusing at points but I just couldn't bring myself to erase it.

I find it to be very hard to approach a girl I find attractive. Im a very shy and quite guy who tends to be a lil socially awkward at times. I can be out and see a girl and wish I could walk over and talk to her. But the fear of getting shoot down scares my, and I usually mentally talk myself out of it. I start think she probably doesn't want anyone bothering her. And why should I go and interrupt her life with my awkwardness. So some how in my head I feel like im doing the right thing by not bothering her. (If that sounds weird sorry but I don't know any other way to explain it.) I love being in a relationship even though I am super private and love being alone. But it is nice having somebody around you who really wants to be around you.

In all my past relationships it was the girl who approached me. And to me that was amazing cause it made me feel like, even though I think nobody wants to be near me here's someone who took time out of their life to get to know me. This is honestly the only times in my life I would got out of my way to be around another person. But all that is short lived, deeper into the relationship they become I guess you could say bord with me. I don't like going out partying, I don't like being surrounded by people, I am a very unemotional person. I do have emotions its just I never show them, so people can't ever tell if im happy, sad, mad, angry and so on. Because of my unemotional, shy, quite, loner personality the all cheat on me. (YES ALL OF THEM!).

I find myself just confused and wondering what am I doing wrong. Everytime I ask them what am I doing to cause this, I get the same answers. They say its not me as a boyfriend cause im nice, caring, protective, giving, understanding, and all that stuff they look for in a guy. To me that sounds like the perfect guy. But what they can't get pass is my personality, my stay at home no adventures lifestyle. Even after they leave I find myself almost begging them to come back. Im so afraid of losing the feeling of being connected and understood by someone I become depressed. I think that I will never find that feeling of being accepted by somebody ever again. In the past 2 maybe 3 years I have become very over protective of my feelings, not letting them show and not letting anyone in. I figured if I just protect them 24/7 I will never have to feel that pain, that hurt, that sadness, that abandoned feeling ever again. But now its getting to the point where I can't even allow myself to tap in to my own feelings. Its like a fight going on inside of me, and theres no winner when its me against me.
Last edited by Snowcrow on Wed May 28, 2014 7:52 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: paragraphs :D

Class
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the approach

Postby Class » Sun Oct 13, 2013 3:01 am

I also found it hard to approach someone I like. Then I'm like what do I do/say/what do they like. I'm guessing many introverts and some extroverts have this same problem because introverts hate/dislike small talk and don't know what to say that will get the ball rolling because you might not know what things she likes or what she likes to talk about with others.

The only time I approached a girl was to thank her for smile which made my day each time I saw her. I wrote a letter (saying thanks for her smiling at me and a invite to get to know me) and gave her some flowers. I don't want to say much more about our relationship because I'm trying to forget it. I might have over done it with flowers, but maybe try giving a letter to her or leave on her car if you don't feel like giving it in person.

I have tried a online dating site which I thought might help out getting to know someone before dating/meeting in person, but I've only gotten one reply back which I was shocked that someone did (I responded back, but no reply back since then :desert:)

I'd also think many women would think nice guys like me would be desirable (I've heard/read that many prefer them) like they say in their profile but no reply or uninterested or maybe they don't understand the nice guy definition or have a different idea of what one is.

tongue35
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the approach

Postby tongue35 » Wed May 14, 2014 1:00 am

best way to approach women imo is gets a couple dogs, preferably a small one..take them to the dog park, let your little dog run up to the womans dog, instant ice-breaker and you will be able to judge by her actions if she will is interested in talking further or not..if she is, just go through the grind of initiating the small talk and yes, this part is painful and tedious but it must be done..i find even if you do get her number, then the next stage is the worst, the phone-calls and first few dates..uggh, so draining to me...

Kurtis
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the approach

Postby Kurtis » Wed May 14, 2014 5:10 am

tongue35 wrote:best way to approach women imo is gets a couple dogs, preferably a small one..take them to the dog park, let your little dog run up to the womans dog, instant ice-breaker and you will be able to judge by her actions if she will is interested in talking further or not..if she is, just go through the grind of initiating the small talk and yes, this part is painful and tedious but it must be done..i find even if you do get her number, then the next stage is the worst, the phone-calls and first few dates..uggh, so draining to me...

:D This reminds me of the scenario in 101 Dalmations! :happy: it turned out good for Anita and Roger, not to mention Pogo and Perdita, so there must be some truth to this :P Just keep a look out for ol' Cruella!

Lazuli5000
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Joined: Tue May 27, 2014 12:53 am

the approach

Postby Lazuli5000 » Wed May 28, 2014 6:07 am

OP I feel your pain. All of my relationships just happened to me too, I never put in much effort. The few times I have, it always backfired. It is really a shame that women say they want all the "good on paper" qualities. I've heard and witnessed time and time again that what they say they want is not necessarily what they respond to sexually. Men can be equally as condescending. When a woman is physically attractive, they'll come up with all the reasons in the world why they're in love. While a girl that has every good trait on paper, but doesn't have barbies measurements may get overlooked.
Anyway, I commend you for your post and honesty. The women who didn't work out for you, you were never meant to be with. Sometimes it may take another person like you to see through the facade of smooth talking, high energy types and see them for who they really are underneath. That type of person will be able to see you for who you really are underneath, or so I wish to believe.

I find it hard to understand how two introverts meet. It just seems unlikely. I'm usually not opening up to them, and them being the women are even less likely to open up to me.

tongue35
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Posts: 242
Joined: Tue May 13, 2014 12:24 am

the approach

Postby tongue35 » Wed May 28, 2014 3:00 pm

^^2 introverts meet by luck and by being in the right place at the right time...book shops are a good place for introverts, dog parks surprisingly seem to have a decent amount of them..the approach and all that comes after it is the truly difficult part though..i get tired even thinking about it..lol..


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